Chapter 73: Why I'm crazy

Jiwei He's first words, after he's quiet, are with a sigh: "If only that picture above your bed was still there."

"I don't know how much you remember about that photo, it was one of the few photos of your mother when she was young. She still looked vaguely like a teenager when you were four years old, unlike now ......"

"She doesn't like to see herself before she's unmarried, and almost all of our old family photos have been cleaned up by her. But you should be able to tell from that photo that she was very pretty in her twenties - even though she's a little out of shape in that photo, but the handsome outline between her eyebrows is still there."

When Jiwei He said this, his eyes unconsciously showed some deep emotion, but that deep emotion came from the past and was addressed to his young lover, like an old photo, already faintly yellowed.

He closed his eyes for a moment, sighed, reopened his eyes, looked at the carpet, and continued to whisper.

"I don't know if you've ever wondered why your mother turned out the way she did. Business dealings, business dealings - these are very draining, and can make many people go from graceful to fat. But that is not absolute, at least you see over the years, I have not become too much."

"When I first met her, she was wearing a long red dress, smiling innocently, that is really beautiful, a pair of almond eyes clear and bright, just like yours. She was also very kind, not so much competitive heart, what she liked most was raising cats and dogs, planting flowers and vegetables, and reading - at that time, whoever saw her, would like her from the heart. She and now ......" Jiwei He sighed contently with heavier meaning, raised his hand, folded it, and touched his fingertips to his brow, "It really is very different."

"There were a lot of people chasing her at that time, but she finally chose me, and not long after we got married, she had you."

"......"

"But the good times don't last long."

"Our family's main business is biopharmaceuticals, as you know. Your mother was afraid of my hard work at that time, down the laboratory, stare at the equipment, she will help to do. But I never knew what went wrong ...... which part of the process was a mistake, and your mother was exposed to the virus that leaked from the lab when she was pregnant with you. Obviously every gatekeeper is very harsh, and there has never been a single mistake in all those years."

Jiwei He is telling this story with his eyes closed, but his pain can be seen through his furrowed brows.

"She was several months pregnant at the time, and our family's private doctor said she would have to have treatment, and that treatment would definitely result in fetal death, and they wanted her to go ahead and be induced. She refused - she wasn't in good health, and the doctor had said before the pregnancy that she figured it would be very difficult for her to carry a second child, so she was extra precious about your arrival, and she didn't think she would ever have a second child. And for those months, she was looking forward to your birth every day with boundless anticipation, talking to you more than she talked to me - they wanted you out of her body, they wanted to sentence you to death, and she refused."

"All people do not treat you as a living person, just as an embryo, a seed, only she because she is pregnant with you, every second with your flesh and blood, so she from your fetal heart are not yet differentiated, have loved you, she said you are God's best gift to her, early on to give you a good name, called you Yu He. "

"We advised her for a long time, including me, I'm sorry." Jiwei He said, "I admit that at that time I loved her more than I loved you, I was not wanting her to have any accident, and I kept pleading with her to induce labor, to have no children in the future, or to adopt a child, either way. I didn't want to lose her."

"But she won't let go. She is a person who seems to talk well, but once she makes up her mind, she can't be pulled back by ten cows. She cried every time she said don't hurt Yu He , she said you were scared, she could feel it, only she could protect you - she thought it was her fault, that she was too negligent to cause that infection accident."

The maiden, the woman, the mother, the wife, her hoarse cries seem to be still in the ears -

"Don't kill him ...... I can feel him ...... that's my son ......"

"Don't move him ...... can you not move him ...... you guys hurt me, whatever you want, it's my fault, I hurt him, I want him to live... ...he's so small ...... you guys don't kill him ok ......"

It has been a long time since Jiwei He has recalled this memory so carefully, which was also too painful for him.

He suppressed it for a while before he could recount the past as calmly as possible.

"She was on the verge of a nervous breakdown at that point, and it's hard to imagine what the consequences would have been if she had actually been forcibly induced, my prediction was that she simply couldn't afford it, and if you had died, she would have lost her passion for living along with you. Every mother is different, and she's the kind of woman who is particularly maternal, and she can't accept that because of her mistakes, you're dead." Jiwei He said, "Not to mention the fact that she will probably never be a mother again."

"She was in tears all day long, people were thin and out of shape, anxiety and fear made her mental state have some abnormalities, not to mention that after she contracted the virus also all organs began to decline. She ran away from home several times ...... she thought we would kill you while she was asleep, she wanted to endure until the ninth month of labor, then no one could stop her."

Jiwei He let out another long sigh: "There was really no way ...... to go on like this, she would have tortured herself to death. So after getting her back for the last time, I went to a lab researcher. I asked him if there was any way to fix the damage that that virus had done to her, while still trying to protect you from the last month in peace. --they ended up, offering me a drug."

"RN13."

"It's a cell regeneration drug made in the lab that provides perfect repair of damaged cells."

Yu He was furious, thinking he was being perfunctory: "How in the world can there be something that can make cells completely repair!"

"There. Yu He , you calm down. There is." Jiwei He said, "But you're also right, the cellular repair of RN-13 is incomplete, still in the very early stages of research, and there's a long way ahead. But judging from the later first royal data ......"

Yu He viciously: "What is the first royal data?"

"You've seen Resident Evil, remember the Red Queen in it?"

"The first emperor is just like red queen, not a real person. Because no human being can withstand the full treatment of RN-13 without being tortured to death. It is a simulated data, symbolizing a human being who has undergone cellular regeneration. And the so-called first queen data, which is derived from this, is the ability of humans to heal themselves from various diseases in this condition."

"I can't explain too much to you about the specifics, but RN-13 was our best hope at the time. So even though it was dangerous, hadn't been tested on humans, and was a complete banned substance, we used it anyway. It was the only crack in all the worst possibilities that might get the double whammy."

"...... I admit I was rash at that point." Jiwei He said, "But I had no choice. With pregnancy anxiety, paranoia, and depression ...... stacked on top of each other, her mental state was total chaos, and rather than watch her torture herself to death ...... then I'd rather take a gamble."

The curtains are gently fluttering, also like a sigh of relief at what happened yesterday.

"As it turned out, RN13 did defeat the virus in her body, regenerating her damaged cells at an alarming rate. She calmed down and eventually gave birth to you."

"But RN13 is destined to be an immature drug, it is too ambitious, the proposition of cellular regeneration, the ultimate challenge to human disease, is simply impossible to achieve with current medical technology, the first emperor is just a perfect vision. The drug is indeed so powerfully restorative that even failing organs can be reversed, allowing patients to be saved. But its side effects are also showing up in you and your mother."

"This all inevitably happened despite the fact that the pharmacist at the time gave you very small doses and used them carefully."

"Your mother's hormone production started to become abnormal and her appearance started to become ...... less good looking." Jiwei He seems to have had a hard time applying the word ugly to his wife until today, even though it is a fact that is obvious to all.

But he couldn't say it.

That was his wife, the girl who chose him among many admirers, and he can still remember her at her most beautiful.

Jiwei He said with difficulty, "The body is also starting to lose shape ...... you were barely a shadow of your past when you were four years old, not like this now."

Anyone who looks over, it looks like a greedy fat spider.

Beauty in the prime of life when the loss of a beautiful face, in fact, is a very cruel and painful thing.

Zhishu Lv didn't notice it at first, but slowly she felt it - an "organ failure" in her social status.

A pretty face can bring infinite kindness and convenience to people.

She grew up accustomed to receiving those envious, adoring, admiring glances.

People were always friendly to her, and she had no idea what it was like to belong to a different kind of woman's world.

She was initially still immersed in the joy of being a mother, not taking into account the mirror gradually like a piece of melted ice cream like herself. But then ......

"Sorry, this seat is taken."

"No, no accommodations."

"Auntie, this dress is too small for your size, why don't I get you another one that fits you better?"

She walked through society and suddenly everything became so strange. No one is eager to please her anymore, men don't blush with flattery when they talk to her, she is called an amah, and pretty little girls laugh behind her back at her demented body, her saggy physique.

She was terrified, like a cat whose whiskers had been cut off, and didn't even know how to take a step.

Sadder still is the shocked look that every old acquaintance gives when they first see her now - whether hidden or not, that look is so sharp it stabs her in the blood.

She was getting depressed, throwing tantrums and smashing things ......

Jiwei He came home one day to find that she had built a fire in the yard, and the servants stood by, overwhelmed, watching her torch all her clothes, shoes, and photos from when she was a girl .......

She smiled back, her somewhat sagging cheeks quivered, shaking off some hideous pleasure.

--she has nothing to do with the past anymore.

She is the one who comes out of the cocoon, the mutant.

"Your mother has changed." Jiwei He said, "slowly, becoming more and more powerful ...... not to mention you, even I, some times can not recognize that is actually her to."

"She loves you, but she's too afraid of seeing a glimpse of her past in you - reminding her of those, the days she'll never get back. She's been doing her best to forget those things herself."

"She no longer liked cats and dogs, raising flowers and planting, she even became absolutely independent from me, she went into business and made money on her own, and when she got that social status, she could vaguely remember from the deference of others the kind of gentle attitude everyone had towards her when she was young and beautiful."

Jiwei He's voice is more or less sad: " Yu He, she is actually very poor."

"...... You should not blame her too much. She did not have the means to face you properly, even I feel unusually guilty, more often than not, it is taking care of her heart."

"She doesn't just like He Qi, it's just that He Qi is more like her now, and she can do it without having to remember the darkest and darkest past for her."

"Your illness ...... was also caused by RN13, and she has always felt guilty. Every time you have an attack, it is also a kind of torture for her. Until now she still lives in that pain from time to time, she sometimes falls asleep, I still hear her talking ......"

Jiwei He paused.

I don't know if it was the light in the room, but his eyes seemed a little moist.

Yu He listened numbly for a long time before asking softly at that point, "...... What did she say?"

Jiwei He drops his head like a puppet with its strings cut.

"She said that it was her fault."

--

The woman murmured in her sleep:

"It's mom's fault."

"It's mommy who didn't protect you."

"......"

Jiwei He's voice was a little muffled, he cleared his throat, but it was still muffled: "...... She finished, she was laughing again in her dream, laughing a little like a madman ...... I think all these years she never really got over relief from that past."

"Especially after she gave birth to He Qi, she found out she could still carry a second child, I don't know if she ever regretted it inside, but she did become more assertive, and many times even I wasn't able to communicate with her properly, she no longer seemed willing to trust anyone except herself."

"Your mother's inner thoughts are no longer fully known to anyone now. But Yu He, what I can be sure of is." Jiwei He turned his head and looked at the teenager who was always lying on the bed, listening to the whole thing almost without saying a word.

"...... She used to love you with her life."

"......"

"Even if ...... even if she has become completely different now ...... I think the deepest part of her heart, there should still be a love for you as at the beginning."

It's not the light, Jiwei He's eyes are really a little red.

In all those years, he was also the first time to a person, complete with the painful scars stripped away to show.

"So, anyway ...... I think ...... you should ...... more or less still have that little bit of goodwill for her ...... at the time she wants to care for you again, she is going to step on the tip of the knife of the past and come to you. Yu He , for the sake of once she was the only one who didn't want her life and wanted you to live."

Jiwei He's voice was a little lower: "Can you be kinder to her ......"

Yu He did not speak.

After a long time, Jiwei He seemed to see a drop of water dripping from under Yu He's arm, which had been covering his face, and I don't know if it was his illusion, but the drop of water soon dripped into his sideburns and disappeared.

And Yu He rolled over, no longer lying on his back, but with his back to him.

"You go out." He said softly, "I want to be alone for a while. All right?"

-

RN13, a drug, is responsible for psychiatric Ebola.

When Jiwei He used it, he was in a hurry, plus the foreign pharmaceutical company he was working with was not that formal, and the drug seemed to have come from some scientific institution in the United States, so they could not have told him all the secrets. So Jiwei He was not fully aware of the possibility that RN13 could cause mental stimulation to the recipient.

By the time he learned that there had been some documented human subjects with similar diseases ahead, it was too late.

Zhishu Lv did not have the disease, but her disposition changed so abruptly and her face changed so much that it was not much different from having a mental illness. Yu He was not so fortunate, as he became case number 4 of psychiatric Ebola.

Jiwei He had confronted the foreign pharmaceutical company after he discovered the symptoms in his son, but the company had changed internally, the kingdom had changed hands, the former owner had been brutally murdered, and the new president knew very little about it and did not want to help.

Later, Jiwei He had no further cooperation and contact with the foreign pharmaceutical company.

But the fait accompli is still unchangeable.

Yu He lay in bed for a long time, because the heavy curtains were drawn, it was difficult to distinguish the morning from the evening, and only the sound of the pendulum clock always echoed in the silent bedroom.

Tick, tick, tick.

He went to the bookcase and pulled out an old photo from a worn copy of One Hundred Years of Solitude.

The photo is of a geyser in Yellowstone, the only photo taken of him and his parents on a trip of three, showing him very young, held in the arms of a young Jiwei He, next to a woman of medium build with vague traces of beauty, smiling, her black curly hair hanging over her shoulders, wearing a black lace dress and a fisherman's hat, snuggled up to her husband.

He rubbed the face of the woman on the photo -

After a long, long time, Yu He slowly closed his eyes.

Day 2.

Zhishu Lv was preparing breakfast herself in the West Kitchen when she saw Yu He come downstairs unprecedentedly and came to the table.

Jiwei He still keeps the old habit of reading a whole newspaper in the early morning while drinking morning tea, even though the age of paper media is long gone.

"Up so early?" Jiwei He lifted his eyes from the newspaper.

Zhishu Lv heard the movement, looked back, saw their own pleasing so long not see the response of the son actually willing to eat breakfast with them today, a moment even the pan also did not hold steady, almost fell to the ground.

Even though Yu He's expression was still very light, she felt it was a great improvement.

" What does Yu He want? Coffee? Tea?"

Yu He calmly: "All right, thank you."

Over breakfast, Zhishu Lv was able to pick up Yu He's signal that he couldn't get too close to them.

But he is at least not the attitude of high building city defenses anymore.

He's trying to engage with them.

Zhishu Lv is therefore very encouraging.

" Yu He ah ......"

"Hmm?"

"Mom found a new doctor for you, also very young, easy to communicate with you, you are not in good shape these days, see if you want to, let him come to give you a look."

"......"

New Dafu? ......

For some reason, Yu He thought of Qingcheng Xie, who came to his house for the first time that year with a bouquet of hydrangeas in her arms.

He closed his eyes and was silent for a long time.

Finally, three words were lightly deducted from the exit: "All as you wish."