Chapter 192: Away from home

Qingcheng Xie is finally going to the United States.

Xue Xie came out of the checkup in poor health. She was so devastated that the doctor said she was suffering from significant pregnancy anxiety and her symptoms were severe. If Qingcheng Xie does not cooperate at this time, she may not be able to support herself.

Since the age of 14, Qingcheng Xie has never lived a day for himself.

Even now that the case has come to light, his fate doesn't seem to have changed.

Because the procedures were handled by the Wei family, they were done quickly, and soon after Qingcheng Xie was discharged from the hospital, he was ready to leave the country for treatment. The week before he left, Man Chen made an appointment to meet him.

Man Chen was also seriously wounded in the naval battle and spent more than a month in the hospital before he recovered.

He originally sent Qingcheng Xie the meeting place, the vegetarian restaurant they had been to, but after Qingcheng Xie received the message, after a few minutes, he replied to him and said to change the place, so he rescheduled to a Zen teahouse.

Man Chen arrived first and waited inside the house for a while before Qingcheng Xie arrived. When Man Chen saw him, although he was prepared, he was still shocked, and then he felt a lot of discomfort.

"Brother ......"

In just a month or so, Qingcheng Xie looks as if she has aged more than ten years.

He used to have a very sharp, hard and cold temperament, with a cold, tough energy between his hands and feet. But now, the sullen coldness between his eyebrows is still there, but the kind of ruthlessness that supported him seems to have disappeared. This makes him look very tired, sickly, withered, the whole person is showing some abnormal pale, like a ghost barely retained in the earth.

When Qingcheng Xie and Man Chen sat together in the past, the age difference was noticeable, but not to the point where people could see the disparity.

And now it's very obvious.

Qingcheng Xie sat down in front of him, Man Chen stared at him for a while, before he could speak, his eyes were red, he turned his face to the side and held back his tears before looking at him again.

Qingcheng Xie : "Long wait."

"It hasn't been too long. ......"

"Healed?"

"Hmm."

"That's good."

The conversation between the two was unusually rusty, as if there was an invisible film that stood between them.

Finally it was Man Chen who couldn't resist and broke the membrane - touching the content that was almost considered taboo for the two: "Brother ...... sorry... . if, if I knew he wasn't from Wen Duan's side, then I definitely wouldn't ......"

"It wasn't you, not your teammates, who killed him. It wasn't you guys. You guys were just following the law." Qingcheng Xie leaned back in his chair, arms clasped, one eye looking at Man Chen - though one was out of focus, nothing visible.

He said, "The man who killed him, it was me."

Man Chen : "No, brother ...... you should not think so ......"

Qingcheng Xie lowered his eyelashes, seemingly not wanting to continue the conversation.

A hot tea curled and steamed in front of the two, silently flowing with steam.

Man Chen wiped his tears: "Brother, your eyes ......"

"You are the last person to see him." Qingcheng Xie did not care about his eyes, but suddenly said this to Man Chen.

Man Chen : "...... hmm."

There were a few more seconds of silence.

Then Qingcheng Xie asked, "So what was his last ...... ...... can you talk to me about it."

Man Chen didn't answer, and after a moment, a tear fell onto the table in front of him.

Yu He finally laughed in the sky on the boat, looking crazy and sad, anyone can see his desperation at that time, he even asked Man Chen to shoot him himself. He even wanted Man Chen to shoot him himself. Man Chen's presence made him give up his last desire to live, and he felt that Qingcheng Xie did it to protect Man Chen.

In those last few seconds, Yu He's eyes were filled with sadness and hate.

But what did Man Chen tell Qingcheng Xie?

Qingcheng Xie had already lost one eye and had become so decrepit and broken, how could Man Chen insert a sharp knife into his heart again.

Sometimes silence is also an answer.

Qingcheng Xie closed his eyes.

Man Chen wailed, "Brother ...... you are ...... really fond of him, aren't you?"

"......"

"I used to think you had no choice, or for whatever reason you had to be with him, but ......" Man Chen did not speak further, tears falling one by one.

Qingcheng Xie didn't say he liked it, and he didn't say he didn't like it.

Like what is ......

Is it the kind of feeling that someone like him would have if he couldn't give Yu He 100% trust?

He had seen the real like, in that like, he had seen the world's most passionate eyes, listened to the world's most sincere confessions, suffered the world's only he suffered the guardian.

He has seen what it means to be uncomplaining in that love, what it means to be a moth to a flame, what it means to be infatuated, what it means to be committed.

Those are not what he has.

He has not given Yu He anything, how does he deserve to say he likes it?

Man Chen looked into his eyes heartbreakingly: "Brother ...... you should stop doing this ...... after you go to the United States, you have to heal well... ...okay? The investigation of Wen Duan is not yet over, the biggest black hand has not yet been brought to justice, I want ...... I want you to see with your own eyes the death of my aunt and uncle, my big brother ...... and... ...and Yu He's organization, can all be brought to justice and get the retribution they deserve."

"I know that it may take a long time, but one day you will be able to see it ...... as long as you are alive."

Man Chen paused and said: "Brother, you know, the latest investigation, they found the truth of the year Beihai Yi killed ...... even Beihai Yi are Wen Duan seized the opportunity, incidentally used to test the effect of the latest listening water test subjects! He went to the gambling house and drank a glass of wine, he was not so determined to kill to Qin Lao, it was something in that glass of wine ...... that version of the hearing water transformation was a failure, Rong Wei confessed that Wen Duan's original order was for him to seek revenge for his mother along with the threat Ciyan Qin, forcing him to tell a research report. Forced him to tell the secret of a research report, the result Beihai Yi accidentally missed ......"

Qingcheng Xie knew what they wanted in the secret report.

--First Emperor.

Beihai Yi already had the idea of killing the doctor, and Wen Duan used him in a way that no one could see.

If it were before, the revelation of this layer of truth would undoubtedly have shaken Qingcheng Xie to his core, but now he just accepts the fact - he no longer seems to be surprised by anything, no longer rejoices in anything, no longer feels any emotion for anything.

He is a dead wood, and everything loaded inside is empty and rotten.

"Brother, Wen Duan will one day stand in front of a trial and be convicted. I hope ...... you can hold on to see that day."

"I know you must be very sad to lose Yu He, but ...... you still have Xue Xie, and the nephew who is about to be born, you still have ......" his eyes like a rabbit The company's main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to the public. We all need you too, and we all can't live without you."

Qingcheng Xie finally spoke up, "I understand what you mean."

Man Chen : "...... Brother ......"

Qingcheng Xie said, "Man Chen, I probably never loved anyone in my life. Maybe I have never loved Yu He either. Because people like me are not qualified to say whether they like or dislike."

Man Chen : "......"

"But as I said, his position, there is no one else to replace it." Qingcheng Xie said, "That was the case before, and it will never change. Life or death, that place will always belong to him. It belongs only to him."

"Until the day I too depart."

Man Chen's eyes filled with tears.

Qingcheng Xie got up, called the waiter for the check, and before he left, he said something to Man Chen.

He said, " Yan Chen, I am not worthy of your love. You move on, you will meet someone much better than me. And me." After a pause, "I've already killed the person who loved me the most with my own hands. Going forward, all this time is the price I have to pay."

He departed and returned to Strange Rain Lane alone.

On the way, Qingcheng Xie came across a stall selling small noodles.

Now the autumn is deepening, soon is the Mid-Autumn Festival, the traditional old artisan's foot store again began to avoid the city police appear in the streets and alleys.

The old craftsman's stall has taken a Coke bottle inserted with seven or eight kinds of noodles, the most common Sun Wukong, Chang'e, and Pleasant Goat, Doraemon ...... Qingcheng Xie Looking at the noodle stall, it is like watching a mirrored dream of doubtful reality.

"Sir, what do you want to buy?"

The dream woke up in a trance and it was the old craftsman talking to him.

Qingcheng Xie found himself unconsciously walking up to the other side: "...... can you pinch a dragon?"

"Can ah." The old man smiled kindly, between the wrinkles are the gentle under the years, "Then what do you want to pinch like?"

"Have two dragons, one red and one silver. Put them together."

The old man thoughtfully: "Such a request has been mentioned to me before ......"

Qingcheng Xie's hand in the pocket of his trench coat was curling slightly, and he didn't even have to ask again to know who had been in front of this booth, smiling and mentioning the same will.

He controlled the tremble in his voice and said, "Yeah ......"

"That is, New Year's Eve, right ......" the old man remembered, smiling, "is a very handsome young man it."

Qingcheng Xie's voice got a little choked up for the first time as he said, "Please do what you did then, because ......"

He gathered his emotions before saying the second half of the sentence, "Because that pair of Long Xiao , was given to me."

The old man was surprised and pleased: "Is it still there, then?"

Qingcheng Xie There seemed to be a bitter olive in his throat as he whispered, "...... I lost it."

Long Xiao finished it, exactly the same as the one Yu He gave him on New Year's Eve, and Qingcheng Xie took the bamboo stick, his hand trembling slightly.

He finally thanked the old man solemnly and put the little face in his trench coat pocket, the one closest to his heart - he took it home.

The day before he left China, Qingcheng Xie went to finish his last job in China.

He went to the cemetery alone.

Yu He no longer has any family in China, and no one will erect a monument for him, except Qingcheng Xie.

The monument has been placed, and on this day, the undertaker waits for customers to come and place the bones of the deceased.

But Qingcheng Xie does not have Yu He's bones.

The police found the relics are just broken limbs and flesh, not to mention will not be given to him, he is not Yu He of anyone. Not a relative, not a friend ...... and not a lover.

All he has is that little pair of mud dragons.

He put it in a heather box and gently rested it in the tomb. The undertaker had seen a thousand strange undead, so he asked nothing more, cooperated with him, and sealed the tomb.

"Sir, this is the tool you asked for." After sealing the grave, the undertaker handed the engraved tool to Qingcheng Xie.

There are no words on the tombstone, it is empty.

The customer who ordered the monument said from the beginning that he did not need them to carve anything, but only asked them to bring him the stone cutting knife.

Such requests are not unique, as some people will want to personally inscribe the name of the deceased on the monument, as if it could be engraved into the hearts of the living.

Qingcheng Xie took over the knives.

"Thanks."

The undertaker took a shallow bow and left, leaving his last moments to the pair who were separated by life and death.

Qingcheng Xie slowly knelt down in front of the cold tombstone and stroked his fingers on the blank white jade stone. He did not shed tears, as if the eyes that had lost their light could no longer shed tears.

He said, "Kid."

"I'm leaving."

"I know you resent me. It's my fault ...... for always treating you cruelly ...... I always wanted you to be good even alone, to be able to come out of the shadows alone, but I forgot that you needed a bridge ...... and I didn't give that bridge to you."

"You hate me. You resent me as much as you should."

The forehead is against the cold, bone-chilling tablet.

Qingcheng Xie softly whispered, the sound scattered in the wind: "Sorry. You and I have said so many times like, but I have not once told you, kid, in fact, I also ......"

He paused.

I what?

There seems to be no more qualifications to say.

Qingcheng Xie closed his eyes. After a long time, he swallowed the words that could not be spoken, those invisible words seemed to cut his throat, he coughed, the faint smell of blood between his lungs.

"...... I won't live long." He said softly, "In the last few years, after finishing the teacher's book, it's time for me to come and see you."

"I don't know if you'll still want to see me at that time."

Qingcheng Xie's fingers caressed the tablet, just as they had caressed Yu He's forehead.

"I'm sorry ...... for making you like a guy like me ......"

"At the end of the day, I can't give you anything. ......"

"I've made you sad, haven't I ......"

He slowly sat up straight, holding the knife, he looked at the stone empty, he wanted to chisel carved Yu He's name ...... but in the moment of falling knife, it is somehow, he suddenly remembered Yu He secretly behind his back when he was a child to get a tattoo, and then found when the look.

At that time, Yu He yelled, "I'm not like you! I don't like you at all! I don't admire you at all!"

He was never really worthy of Yu He's admiration.

Yu He is doing better than him.

He is much better than all of them .......

Qingcheng Xie closed his eyes, his long, pale fingers stroked the stone tablet and chiseled the first stroke ......

Sunset, when the distant bell rang, he knelt in the dusty ground, his arm was injured and half crippled, only one can make the full force of the carving time is very difficult, the fingers are spotted with blood.

He didn't care, just looked at the line of newly engraved words.

Nothing of him that doth fade.

But doth suffer a sea-change.

Into something rich and strange.

The hand that wrapped around Keats' epitaph engraved Shelley's last words for Yu He, which could not be left on his wrist during his lifetime, as if he had fulfilled a sin and regret planted since he was a teenager.

Qingcheng Xie drops his eyelashes, the black eyelashes are like the wings of a withered butterfly, in the twilight blood light can no longer lift.

He lifted his hand and pressed it against the cold tablet.

"Kid ...... let me hug you again ......"

"It's the last time."

Please, let me give you that hug you used to long for, okay ...... Yu He ...... I'll give you a hug, okay?

The heart is affixed to the hard cold stone tablet, the moment he completely closed his eyes, thinking of the Ferris wheel dream, the back that never looked back ......

It's cold.

But his forehead lightly against, embracing a long, long time.

He wondered if Yu He had been like this when he held him once upon a time, like holding a piece of ice or stone that would never respond, kissing frost and snow.

So cold, now it's finally his turn to experience it too. He just held it for such a limited time, he felt numbness in his limbs and coldness in his chest.

How did Yu He persevere for so long, in the wait for no response, day after day, until the day of death? ......

Qingcheng Xie would like to ask the teenager why.

He would love to catch up with Yu He in front of the Ferris wheel, to catch up with him and not let him disappear. Go after him--

Ask if it's worth it or not.

Ask a question, kid, you that time ...... you pleaded with me one at a time but did not get a response ...... how sad it really is.

Ask a question why you have to stagger up and get up, and then go forward with me, to the head to break the blood, to the end of the oil.

Ask a question, Yu He ...... Yu He ...... Why are you, so persistent in refusing to stop?

Why ......

To go this far for someone like me ......

But the teenager is gone, the cavity of the fervor of worship can never return.

Only this unnamed monument, with him in the gradually sinking sunset long companion, with silence and death opposite.

Yes, the monument is nameless, except for that one poem, Qingcheng Xie left nothing.

Just as their relationship, life and death entwined, but always nameless and unattached.

Qingcheng Xie last left behind, only the fingertips of a little spotted blood, but he carefully wiped before leaving, so even this little red also disappeared.

The headstone is clean.

Just like when the teenager smiles, the pair of gentle and beautiful eyes.

Those eyes seem to be saying, Qingcheng Xie , Dr. Xie ...... Xie brother, you hug me, okay?

I am very young, but I really love you, please believe me.

I'm not lying to you ......

Qingcheng Xie kneeling in front of the tomb, the slanting sun finally sank completely from the horizon, he hunched over in the last blood, slowly, closed his eyes.

There are dim crows in the sky mocking like whimpering, the last glimmer of light also in the blood-like sound of sorrow trembling slide down the clouds, such as tears weeping, instantly fell, disappeared.

.

The next day, Qingcheng Xie was leaving.

Airport send-off, came a lot of people, Man Chen , Aunt Lai, Dean, Wei family line ...... even Ruoqiu Li also came, she has been divorced from that later husband, now alone to open a very romantic tavern, she saw the news in the tavern TV, Qingcheng Xie Their things she knew like the general public, not too much, but combined with all the past events, she also guessed a little.

Ruoqiu Li was the last to say goodbye to Qingcheng Xie.

She did not say anything, but only looked at his face and shed a line of tears in a daze. Just such a short year, Qingcheng Xie lost the light of his left eye, lost his healthy arm, lost the sharpness in his body, lost an irreplaceable person ......

But he still has to live.

She looked at him and could hardly recognize him, he was still the same Qingcheng Xie, but already crippled beyond recognition.

She choked up and said, "Brother Xie, I hope all is well with you in the future ......"

He looked at her and said, "You, too. I hope all is well with you, too."

Ruoqiu Li : "The things I did in the past were too childish, I hope you can forgive me."

"You just wanted normal affection, but I didn't give it to you." Qingcheng Xie said, "I did a bad job. I hope you can forgive me, too."

Ruoqiu Li wiped her tears and looked at him, she felt that his expression when he said this made her sad, in fact, his life was almost dead, the effect of going to the United States for treatment was unknown, perhaps not the desired result, he was holding the idea that he might not see her again in the future, he said his last words to her.

Qingcheng Xie said goodbye to them, into the customs, he left the country, but packed less luggage than one of the simplest trips, only a suitcase, which held some clothes, some notes that were not finished ......

And the little fire dragon that Yu He once gave him, he re-glued it and put it in his trench coat pocket.

At the moment when the plane shot up into the clouds, he closed his eyes and raised his hand to lightly touch the location of the heart, touching the lifeless Long Xiao'er.

He opened his eyes and looked out the window, and the cloud stream rushed by outside the cabin, as the river entered the sea - everything in his past, all his obsessions ......

The end so, all go with the wind.