Chapter 126: but still, love you

This night, they spent in the car.

Yu He's fever was slowly going down and his mood was stabilizing, but before that, Qingcheng Xie couldn't take the risk to continue driving, as there was a construction road ahead, and if Yu He had any more accidents, the situation would become difficult to handle.

Qingcheng Xie took care of him until Yu He's body temperature and mood were close to normal.

The onset was undoubtedly serious, and the downside of long-term drug abuse was already evident, with Yu He even experiencing a period of complete loss of control, and after he had finished venting, his entire body became so exhausted that he gradually fell into a semi-comatose slumber during the recovery process.

Qingcheng Xie waited until he was fully asleep before reattaching his seatbelt and driving, by which time the sky was already a shade of fish-belly white and the darkest hour had passed.

He still planned to send Yu He back to the main villa.

Yu He is in such a bad way that he needs to know what Yu He is hiding -

Qingcheng Xie finds it ironic to think about this.

It seems like it used to be Yu He who was curious about what he was hiding, and now he actually has to try to figure out what has changed in Yu He that no one knows about.

Qingcheng Xie took off his jacket and threw it on the sleeping Yu He, and drove the car steadily and quickly to Yu He's door.

He rang the bell and was answered by Jia Guan.

Although I had already seen Qingcheng Xie in the visual bell, Jia Guan was still a bit surprised when she opened the door and actually faced this man.

Not to mention that Qingcheng Xie was carrying Yu He, who was half asleep and half dazed.

"Thank you, thank you Dr. ......"

"Is Mr. He here?"

"Mr. He and Mr. Lu are out of Huzhou for a while. ......"

Qingcheng Xie sighed, almost as if it were expected.

He said, "Please help me help him in together, it's too heavy."

Qingcheng Xie and Jia Guan helped him to bed.

Because Yu He never likes people to enter his room, Jia Guan did not dare to stay much and quickly bowed and exited.

Qingcheng Xie settled the people down and got up to take a closer look at the place he hadn't been in a long time.

The furnishings in the house are still the same as they were five years ago, without much change.

The whole room just looked cooler, Qingcheng Xie came in and thought it was less like a common bedroom and more like a star-rated hotel room, meaning that although the room was very comfortable, there was nothing personal and colorful about it.

The owner didn't love the room and would leave at any moment.

Because of the minimalist furnishings in the house, some things stand out. Qingcheng Xie suddenly found the book "The World of Rare Diseases" on Yu He's desk, a memento he left with Yu He when he left his job five years ago, in order to encourage Yu He to slowly get out of the shadow of the disease by himself and not to forget the pair of cases of ossification he had told him about.

"Kid, you're not alone." This was actually a comfort he could not say at the time.

Finally, it is all turned into the title page with a strong handwriting -

To Yu He.

Qingcheng Xie walked to the desk, opened the book has obviously been turned old, his own five years ago to reflect the words into the eyes, pen marks have been eroded by the years faded, he dropped his long eyelashes silent stare for a long time.

Wow.

Perhaps Yu He forgot to close the windows tightly before he left, and forgot to close the curtains as usual, and a morning breeze blew in, causing the pages to flutter.

Suddenly.

It seems to be destined.

A page of thin paper stuck in the book fell out like a falling flower and fell on the table.

And a ray of morning sunlight just penetrated the clouds and shone on the paper.

Qingcheng Xie was stunned for a moment.

Surprisingly, it was a test sheet.

He picked up the slip and tried to re-clip it back into the book, and as he did so he glanced at it.

The result of this glance was something he never expected.

He thought it was a list of Yu He's own, like a memento of the improvement of his mental Bola Ai, but it was just a normal blood test.

The list also bears the name of the person examined:

Qingcheng Xie .

"......" There's nothing more outrageous than seeing your own lab report in someone else's home.

Qingcheng Xie was therefore stunned for a while before he took the thin paper and read it carefully.

It's still really his blood test sheet is correct.

But how did Yu He get this?

After taking a look at the report printing time, Qingcheng Xie frowned and remembered for a while, then suddenly realized something and his face slowly turned a little ugly.

That seems to be ...... the date when ...... himself got a fever after they first did it and was taken to the hospital by Man Chen.

Yes, he remembered, Man Chen said at that time that he had lost a blood test sheet, for which he had a new tube of blood drawn.

Qingcheng Xie, once he thought about it, he probably understood it all.

Yu He must have gone to the hospital that day, but Yu He never showed up from the beginning to the end -

But what is he doing with this list?

Qingcheng Xie is slightly gritting his teeth, and then look carefully, the back of the sheet vaguely through some words.

He turned the sheet upside down and saw it.

On the white paper, Yu He wrote a full page of "Qingcheng Xie, sorry" ......

The color of the pen varies and the degree of scribbling varies.

It seems that the sentences were not left at the same time, but were written by Yu He from time to time.

"......"

Qingcheng Xie closed his eyes.

Forget it, since you have already said that the past will not be pursued when you flooded the photography library, then what emotions are consumed in this matter?

He threw the blood test sheets into the trash, so that Yu He would not have to look at them and feel guilty, and put them here every day to take sorry for practicing, and then also closed the window, so that the wind would not continue to blow.

And at that moment, he suddenly heard Yu He whispering to him, " Qingcheng Xie."

"......"

" Qingcheng Xie ......"

Qingcheng Xie went to his bedside and found that the boy had not awakened, it was just his mumbling in his dream.

Qingcheng Xie stood next to him and looked at him for a moment: "...... shouting what, I'm not your father."

But when all is said and done, he is still a man of nature, and he cannot watch a patient suffer in front of his eyes and not care.

So Qingcheng Xie stayed with Yu He for a while until she was sure he was asleep, then she got up again and went downstairs to find Jia Guan.

He wanted to ask Yu He about his recent medications.

Jia Guan: "The young master is very unstable, always taking medicine by the handful, and we are worried."

"Since when?"

"It's been a long time, several months always."

"Why don't you guys persuade him too."

Jia Guan sighed: "Alas, how can we persuade him? Shao He take medicine like this, although we also know that it is not good for his health, but can delay a day is a day ah. Unlike before, the young master's attack was so difficult that he fell off the building ......"

"!!!" Qingcheng Xie asked, "Crash?"

"Yes, yes." Jia Guan froze, "You didn't know?"

"...... This is when it happened."

"The young master went to "The Trial" production team before the winter break. He reacted strangely in those days, first he was particularly happy, and we also joked and laughed, and even went to the long-unused empty room to personally clean it six or seven times, we asked him if he had guests coming, he said yes, but later did not see anyone come ......"

Jia Guan's lips were opening and closing, and some trivial things were being said afterwards, but Qingcheng Xie's face had already paled, and he did not listen to what came after.

Of course he knew who that room was packed for.

He also knew very well who the guest was that eventually didn't show up either.

Eventually he slowly remembered that he had - at that time - actually received a message from Yu He.

Yu He sent him messages, several of them in a row.

He said, "Dr. Tse, I'm sick."

" Qingcheng Xie , I'm sick."

But Qingcheng Xie was so disgusted with him that he thought Yu He was playing the "crying wolf" game again, and he didn't think the content of the text message was real.

Now that she has learned the truth, Qingcheng Xie can't tell how she feels for a while -

If Yu He threatens him, saying that if you don't come to be my doctor, I will destroy myself for you to see. Then Qingcheng Xie would find him annoying and think that he was kidnapping himself in another sense.

But Yu He did not.

Yu He later did not mean to morally kidnap him, he even sincerely hoped that Qingcheng Xie would not know anything more.

Yu He held on for a long time.

Until now, he finally couldn't hold out.

Qingcheng Xie thanked Jia Guan and went back to Yu He's bedroom.

He was very disturbed for a while.

In fact, even now, he did not understand what Yu He had done. But human emotions are not either black or white, either hate or love. When he knew that Yu He had been enduring his illness alone for a long time afterwards - an illness that was even caused by his rejection - Qingcheng Xie's feelings were suddenly very complicated.

It is his instinct as a physician not to want to see patients self-harm.

Not wanting to see Yu He self-harm is his instinct as the first case of spiritual Bola Ai.

Now Yu He is frustrated by all his actions, and he wonders what Yu He is doing all this for - just because they are supposedly "like" each other?

Anxious, he wanted to knock a cigarette out to smoke, but saw the sickly and miserable look of the teenager on the bed, and felt that he was not too much to smoke second-hand smoke in front of the patient.

So he bit his lower lip and put the cigarette case back anyway.

Yu He finally woke up from his sleep at around 1:00 pm.

The teenager lay on his bed, raised his hand to support his forehead, and took a moment to remember coherently what happened yesterday.

--Violent scuffling in the car.

Qingcheng Xie kept pressing him and eventually got him by the neck.

He was sick on his head, almost strangled Qingcheng Xie alive ......

After Yu He was completely awake, cold sweat came down all over. He shouted in panic: " Qingcheng Xie ......!!!"

"I am."

Not expecting a response, Yu He turned his head and found that Qingcheng Xie hadn't left yet.

The man sat reading by the window, heard him wake up and lift his eyes, then closed his book.

" Qingcheng Xie , you ......"

"Lie down, you don't have to sit up."

Yu He was not so obedient, he sat up with his body, in the process he saw his arm, has been wrapped with a new gauze, that very careful and perfect bandage method belongs to Qingcheng Xie.

"......" Yu He drops his eyelashes.

That happened last night ......

For the first time, he completely lost his mind during the attack and even almost ended the life of Qingcheng Xie, who was with him.

Slowly, shakily, he lifted his hand and stared at his palm.

Mental Bola Ai disease late symptoms ...... is that scary, right?

When sober, perhaps you will find the corpse of your favorite person lying beside you ......

Yu He asked himself, he has almost never been afraid of anything in his life.

And this moment, he shuddered from the heart.

Qingcheng Xie walked over: " Yu He , you--"

"Don't come near me!!!" Yu He snapped.

A confused light flashed in his eyes, and after a moment, he tried his best to calm himself down.

But he really doesn't want Qingcheng Xie to be near him anymore.

"Don't you come near me ......" Yu He raised his hand, buried his face in his palm, and murmured softly.

Qingcheng Xie looked at him for a moment and spoke, " Yu He , you calm down a little. I don't want to do anything to you."

"......"

"There's just something I want to talk to you about."

"...... talk about ...... what?"

"Your condition."

"......" Yu He is no longer willing to let Qingcheng Xie see him, after what happened last night, he just wants Qingcheng Xie to disappear from his eyes immediately.

He said, "You don't have to care about this ...... my illness is nothing, it's just that I'm having a bad attack these days, I--"

Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by Qingcheng Xie: " Yu He , I heard that you once fell off a building because you lost control of your illness."

Silence.

"You don't have to hide anything more from me, I know all about it."

There was another long silence.

After a long time, Yu He finally asked hoarsely, "Did ...... Jia Guan tell you this?"

"Yes." Qingcheng Xie said, "If I hadn't sent you back here today, I would have never known about this either."

But this "discovery" came too late for Yu He.

Yu He He also thought, if Qingcheng Xie can see a little bit of his heart, can be a little bit better for him, how good it would be.

And now he is afraid.

The chaos in the car last night seemed like it was right before your eyes. Who can't be afraid that they will unconsciously kill the person they love the most with their own hands?

So in this long silence, Yu He decided anyway.

He had to do his best to distance himself from Qingcheng Xie.

"What can ...... you ...... do if you know." He finally opened his mouth, murmuring and whispering, his voice carrying some not-so-heartfelt coldness.

" Qingcheng Xie , have you ever thought, what can you do if you know?"

Yu He said, eyebrows, also gradually tinted with some self-deprecating meaning: "...... you then did not even want to look at me a glance. I sent you a message, you also never returned me. Now also to mention this matter what? It's been so long ago. There is no point."

Qingcheng Xie : "...... I thought at that time that you were not telling the truth."

"It's okay." Yu He's forehead hair is hanging low, "I'm used to it. I'm a liar in your eyes."

Qingcheng Xie paused for a moment: "...... I'm sorry."

"......"

"I was the one who misunderstood you."

"......" Yu He face is not rippling, but his heart is fluttering silently.

Qingcheng Xie and he said sorry.

He had ...... hardly ever heard Qingcheng Xie say these three words to him before. If these three words could have come a little ...... earlier perhaps he would not have been mad to this point.

"Yu He, you can't go on like this." Qingcheng Xie said to Yu He after a long speechless period between them, "Your spirit is already hard to be soothed by the medication, and the abuse of the special medication has made you more and more resistant to it - I have not met your current attending physician, but in this case, he should have also warned you, and I hope you will take his words to heart."

"......"

Yu He endured the sourness and stirring inside, and after a long silence, he said softly, "Dr. Xie, you see, as you know, I have a new attending physician now."

"So you should understand that these things, no longer have anything to do with you."

"......"

"I used to ...... want you to come back so badly. I used to plead with you so humbly, I cried out to you in pain over and over again, but you said ......" Yu He snorted with red eyes, his voice a little muffled, "You think I'm lying to you."

"In that case, why do you come back to bother me now? Is it because you feel sorry for me? There's really no need for that, I have a doctor. His medical skills are no worse than yours."

"I don't think that doctor is a bad doctor, it's just that there are few people who have studied Bola Ai more deeply than I have." Qingcheng Xie said, "Yu He, do you know how serious your situation is now? I didn't see it, but I saw it, and you want me to ignore it, do you think I can do that."

Yu He was quiet for a moment, his figure reflected on the white wall behind him, "From what I know about you. I don't think there's anything you can't do."

"......"

" Qingcheng Xie , you said yourself that you are a person who has many tasks to accomplish, and I am just a small accident for you, such as in the case of Ciyan Qin, I am the first burden that you discarded."

"Can you not just change my words?" Qingcheng Xie anxiously tried to touch his cigarette again, "I never said you were a liability."

"But that's what you've done, and your actions have shown that you just treat me like a liability."

Qingcheng Xie resisted smoking, but could not resist pressing the lighter to snap, and finally he threw the lighter with a snap and looked up at him, "Good ...... you want to discuss this with me, right?"

"Then I will tell you frankly today. Please listen Yu He. When I came to your home on your eighth birthday and agreed to be your doctor, I didn't see you as a burden at that time. But at that time, in my eyes, you were not a burden, but just a slightly special patient, and I really had no more emotional connection with you."

"Then something happened to the old Qin, you are the first things I gave up ...... can I ever say to you very clear, you should know that it was a situation that had to be, rather than I put down after a great sense of relief, feel rid of what a difficult burden."

Qingcheng Xie said here, seems to think of those things again, thinking of that dilemma, desperate situation, his eyes are also slightly red.

" Yu He , if what I said to you in the reservoir still doesn't make you understand what I let you go for at that time. If you still can't understand that my choice to leave was not something that I should be happy about myself, if you still feel that I let go with joy and relief at that time -"

Qingcheng Xie paused for a moment before closing his eyes.

"Then maybe all the truth I told you was for nothing. And there is nothing more I can do to set you free. I'm sorry."

Yu He's heart ached, he knew he had spoken wrongly under the deliberate pushback.

Qingcheng Xie is a very strong man, but Qingcheng Xie's weakness is his compassion and his compassion for the sick, these words are undoubtedly a knife in his heart and salt on his scars.

Yu He was so upset, didn't he understand that Qingcheng Xie was the one who cared about his patients in particular?

No, he actually understood at that time, he knew Qingcheng Xie left him with some guilt and regret in the end, otherwise Yu He would not have changed his mind about Qingcheng Xie after being trapped in the reservoir.

It's just that if he doesn't hurt Qingcheng Xie verbally, he might have to hurt him physically.

So he thought, let's go.

Qingcheng Xie .

Get out of here.

That feeling of being out of control came back, and he was afraid he couldn't control it.

He now just wants to end this conversation as soon as possible and get rid of Qingcheng Xie.

Yu He pulled the bloodshot eyes, only to have a knife continue to Qingcheng Xie heart also to their own heart stab. He said, "...... even if I was not a burden to you before, and later."

"......"

"I know you've been resisting me and rejecting me after that incident at the clubhouse, otherwise I would not have asked you for help at the time and you would not have answered me with a single word."

Qingcheng Xie is silent.

"You go back, Qingcheng Xie."

"We are both victims of RN-13, what should be investigated I will accompany you to investigate, this point you even completely ignore me, I will not change my actions, you do not have to worry."

"......"

"You go back. " Yu He said. "I want to sleep a little longer."

Qingcheng Xie raised his eyes, but did not leave, but took a few more steps forward to Yu He's bed.

"I don't want to deny that I did resist you a lot."

Qingcheng Xie finally opened his mouth, his tone hard and honest, and because his emotions were so clean, he also carried some calming power, "I remember very clearly what you did in the empty night club."

"But--"

After a pause, the conversation turned.

" Yu He , and I haven't forgotten what you did in the archives."

"And I haven't forgotten the reservoir, what choices you made when the water flooded up."

"I also remember that you are the last person in the country who is still alive with mental Bola Ai. You are suffering from something I once suffered from and I can't see anymore as invisible."

" Yu He , I have not forgotten that you were my patient."

"And I have not forgotten that you are the one I have not healed and can no longer be with."

"......"

As Yu He listened to these words, his heart felt hard to the extreme for a while.

Qingcheng Xie listed the reasons for his renewed interest in him, but still none of them were out of personal affection.

This is actually more hurtful to Yu He now than "I don't want to care about you".

Yu He really can't control it, he felt that he had not been completely down the madness is running up again, he kind of longing Qingcheng Xie longing to want to die with each other into pieces of feelings began to rekindle.

He turned his face away suddenly, his hands trembling slightly, his eyes flushed.

He was a precursor to a second attack, a particularly dangerous condition that he tried to hide, but he couldn't.

He gritted his teeth and whispered, "Just go ...... away!!!"

His anomalies all fell into the eyes of Qingcheng Xie.

Qingcheng Xie, of course, could not let him lose control of himself and walk away, instead, he was staring at the other side and asked him: " Yu He, what's on your mind can't you say it? You already know how serious your situation is, why do you have to suppress yourself like this?

"I don't have anything on my mind! Will you stop pushing me!"

Yu He's situation was getting out of control, he didn't know it himself, but Qingcheng Xie could see it in his eyes, and could see that his eyes were getting redder and redder, as if even his pupils had become blood-like in color.

"You do not understand me at all Qingcheng Xie , you do not understand at all ...... after my attack, you better give me as if you did not see, understand? I don't want to see you! I see you will only make me more disturbed! Go back! You go back! You get out!!!"

"...... I don't care about you, you fall down and hurt yourself. I care about you, you think I'm haunted again." Qingcheng Xie stared him dead in the face, "I just want to fucking know what the reason is, why you have to do this?!"

"No." Yu He said with a white face, "There's no reason for that."

It couldn't be more obvious that this is not cooperating.

"......" Qingcheng Xie was silent for a long time, and even a man of his character had some fire rubbing up slightly in his heart.

" Yu He , this incident is related to me. Your fall, your attack, your emotional outburst, all have to do with me."

"I want to know why, because it's not just about you."

"......"

Yu He felt the giant beast in his heart banging on the door, hitting the cavity full of tremors and buzzing in his ears.

Qingcheng Xie is forcing him.

He couldn't find any more reasons to put him off, he just wanted him to leave immediately.

He was about to collapse, he once again to Qingcheng Xie said: "I do not want to say ...... you go away. Count me begging you, don't ask anymore."

"Will you let me go Qingcheng Xie ? Will you let me go ......"

You go.

Do not compel me again to shed my painted skin and meet you in my horrible true form.

You go.

Don't ask for an answer and then scold me and think I'm crazy when you know that answer.

You go.

You ...... go ......

Yu He's condition was getting worse and worse in this tearing and tangling.

Qingcheng Xie looked at his trembling fingers, at his scattered hair, at his confused eyes.

Qingcheng Xie suddenly felt as if his heart had been pricked by a needle, which swam to the piece of his heart that belonged to Yu He and began to stab him, making him blame himself, suffocating him and making him bleed.

Let him see his own cruelty and his own failure.

A dismal scene, in silence.

Qingcheng Xie closed his eyes and finally said hoarsely, "...... good ......"

"If you really don't want to talk about it, then, I won't ask."

"I'm not forcing you. No more forcing you."

"But, Yu He ...... I'm walking out of this door today, and I don't think we'll ever, ever have to see each other again, okay?"

Yu He suddenly stiffened.

When Qingcheng Xie opened his eyes, his eyes were also red: "It's not about resenting you or being disgusted with you or anything. Rather, both as a doctor and as a person, I feel that the relationship between me and you to deal with, is really a mess."

"The person who is at fault for getting us to this point is actually me, because I'm 13 years older than you, I'm completely an older person in this relationship, a dominant person, I have to take the biggest part of the responsibility for you, and unfortunately, I wasn't able to lead you down the path I had hoped for in the first place."

Qingcheng Xie paused: "Once I said that I had spent seven years on you and you ended up like this, making me feel that seven years had been fed to the dogs. I said at that time that I was very disappointed in you."

"But today I want to tell you ...... the kind of disappointment I feel is not just for you, but for myself."

" Yu He , I feel like I'm a huge failure."

Yu He : "......"

"Ciyan Qin saved me, but I couldn't save you, and I still don't know what went wrong."

"Maybe it's because I shouldn't have seen you again after you returned home. Maybe I misjudged your illness in the first place and shouldn't have been comfortable letting you go on your own. Or maybe I didn't make the right judgment from the beginning, and I shouldn't have agreed to your parents' request to stay at your house to take care of you."

When he said that, both of them were silent for a while. Both seemed to be thinking back to those old times.

Qingcheng Xie: "I'd like to know what I did wrong, and I think you know the answer to that in your heart."

"But you wouldn't tell me."

"Even if you are already so sick. You don't want to open up to me and talk to me about your suffering anymore. I am the one who makes it impossible for a patient to speak the truth to me." He looked at him quietly, "And my presence, my presence, even aggravates your condition."

" Yu He ...... I used to be a doctor, I used to be your doctor, and I think I totally screwed it all up. I couldn't be the kind of medicine that could save people like Ciyan Qin, but instead I ended up being a wound to my patients."

Qingcheng Xie said these words while sitting by Yu He's bedside, without looking at Yu He, who also seemed to be tired of confronting the teenager.

He drops his ink-like eyelashes, his expression is cold, very calm, very calmly said these thoughts that previously would not talk to Yu He.

"I did fail miserably."

"......"

"I'm sorry, Yu He , that you met me, not a doctor like old Qin."

"I was never able to become like him."

"...... I can't change anything. I didn't save you either."

As he spoke, he paused and looked at Yu He's face, but it was as if he saw through Yu He, the young dragon he first met twelve years ago.

Qingcheng Xie's voice is low, tired, with a sigh that has nothing to hide.

"When I met you that year, you were just a child ...... When I think about it, it was actually me who kept you from meeting a good companion. I was the one who didn't do a good job as a qualified elder."

"Kid, all these years, I'm sorry."

Inside the bedroom, there was a long silence.

It's over. ......

Since it is impossible to solve the problems that exist between them, continuing in this way is just a step in the wrong direction.

It's time to end it.

Qingcheng Xie finished saying all he wanted to say, got up, closed his slightly red eyes, and finally left, as Yu He had wanted.

A snap.

But the hand was suddenly held.

The teenager clutched his wrist, fingers trembling slightly, after a while, a drop of warm water fell on the back of the teenager's clenched, Qingcheng Xie's hand.

Qingcheng Xie was stunned for a moment, turned back to Yu He, and dropped his gaze.

The young man's head was bowed, and his scattered forehead hair fell in front of his eyes, making it impossible to see his eyebrows, but Qingcheng Xie knew Yu He was crying.

Then, before he could return to his senses, he was dragged by Yu He to sit down again, then the teenager's hand lifted and suddenly wrapped around the back of his head, and while shedding tears, he heaved himself up-

He kissed his slightly cool lips.

Yu He's lips are trembling slightly, crying sadly and trying to hold on, but can't hold on anymore.

His heart seems to be Qingcheng Xie just that heartfelt words pierced a hole, a thousand miles of embankment because of this little break and collapse.

He held him, kissed him, stroked Qingcheng Xie's hair, and then rested his forehead against him, against the man's forehead.

The man who had done all that he could was pushed to a dead end and told his heart - he said, "I'm sorry, kid, I feel like such a failure.

" Qingcheng Xie ...... you don't ...... have to ...... you don't have to feel this way about yourself ......" Yu He choked out, doing his best to suppress the trembling in his voice, doing his best not to let Qingcheng Xie feel his already fractured heart city.

He whispered against his forehead, eyes downcast, "You don't have to feel defeated with yourself, Dr. Shea. You didn't do anything wrong. You've never done anything wrong."

"Don't you say sorry to me ...... I'm keeping this from you ...... I'm not telling you anything, not because you're a failed doctor ...... but ......"

"Instead, ......"

Tears fell down one by one, and Yu He's voice broke. He stopped for a while, and then, as if using all his strength, he said, word by word, trembling word by trembling word, the heartfelt words, finally forced out of his mouth -

"But because I love you!"

"......!!!"

"Yes. Qingcheng Xie ......" Yu He shoulders trembling, tears falling like rain, "I love you ...... it's all because I love you... ...I'm fucking in love with you, I'm fucking in love with you, do you understand? Do you understand?!"

It is too painful to take all these words, which you know cannot be responded to, and to dig them out of the ruins of your broken heart and hold them naked/naked in order to appease the person in front of you.

Even if you know that you will be met with rejection, disgust, or even ridicule.

But he finally offered these words with the hot blood of the teenager along with the hot tears of the teenager, just hoping to warm up a little the cold lips and palms of this man.

Yu He hugged him and finally sobbed: "Because I like you ah Qingcheng Xie , I like you, I am really in love with you, I want to be with you, I want to kiss you, hug you, want you, I want to do all the things to you that you can not accept ...... very selfish is not it? But I can't control it. I can't control how I control it."

"There's no way I can't think about you ......"

" Qingcheng Xie , Dr. Xie."

"Don't you think I'm sick. You don't think I'm lying, I really love you. I am also really trying not to love you, so I will be annoyed and mad and out of control when I see you. Don't blame yourself ...... don't feel bad ...... you never did anything wrong, it was me who was wrong ...... it was me who was bad... . it's me who has to break my head and moth to the light ......"

The boy said, gradually out of tune, hands clutching the man in his arms because of the extreme shock and stiffened.

He cried red eyes and said hoarsely, "I know ...... I know you don't like me ...... I also feel humiliated, I also feel that it hurts my pride, I also feel that this is not right, but I still love you. "

"I tried to quit it, but I didn't do it."

"I still can't do it to this day - you laugh at me. Qingcheng Xie , you laugh at me."

"Because I'm really crazy, I know the fucking end, but also a black walk to the end. So wretched and bruised, and will still want to embrace you."

"I ...... have nothing to take advantage of ...... and yet I dare to like you."

"But I just can't help but like you. Qingcheng Xie ."

"I'm hopelessly going to like you ......"

"I'm in the mud and dust, but I still like the snow in the sky ...... I'm the one who's doing it wrong, not you ......"

"I'm sorry ...... it's that I'm not good enough and yet I still love you ......"

"It hurts to love you ...... Qingcheng Xie ...... It hurts to love you ...... I can't get... ...I know to let go ...... but still ...... still loving you day by day ......"

Yu He hugged him, and every word was so true, yet trembled so much.

He cried and dug out his thousand-hole favorite and finally held it up to him, humbled, proud, confused, determined - held it up to him.

Look at that naked/naked, a heart that belongs to a teenager.

Look at that sickness to the depths, a heart belonging to Yu He.

Yu He choked up and said:

" Qingcheng Xie , what to do. Help me ......... you help me ...... I have no way to change anymore ...... I can't walk out anymore... ... Qingcheng Xie ...... sorry ......"

"I am really ...... really ...... really really ......" eloquent, but stammered uncharacteristically.

The person who is swimming in the world is so clumsy that he does not know what to say.

He cried his eyes red, dug out his heart and cut open his soul to give his only precious thing to his brother Xie, Dr. Xie, Qingcheng Xie .

He wailed, "Brother ......"

"I really ...... love you so much!"

Knowingly, embracing him like embracing snow, kissing him like kissing frost, loving him like drinking a hemlock wine, begging not to break his heart.

But still obsessed, to love on.

......

Qingcheng Xie, it hurts to love you.

I know, I know it all.

But ...... but I a whole person, I a whole heart ......

But still a moment, preferring to -

Love you.