Chapter 96: Waking and Dreaming, Part Twenty (7)

He saw it clearly now.

Before he had gotten Lan Wangji drunk, all those promises he had made to himself — that he would only ask his questions and do nothing more — had been pure self-deception.

A man so upright and disciplined in his daily life, who once drunk would lose his temper, lash out, and run wild, was a man whose drunken behavior lay beyond his own command; and knowing this perfectly well, he had still seized the chance while Lan Wangji was easy to handle, slipping through the gap to coax and provoke him on purpose, doing exactly as he pleased.

However serene and free of desire he might be, Lan Wangji was, after all, a normal man, and teased so roughly and so deliberately, there was no reason he would not catch fire; and only the other day Lan Wangji had been insulted by Jiang Cheng over just such a matter, and even now his heart was heavy with worry for his brother — and at a time like this, here he was, making a reckless mess of everything.

After that single 'mm,' Lan Wangji said not one word more, yet Wei Wuxian, alone, had already thought his way through a great heap of things.

In two lifetimes he had never known how the word 'shame' was written, and now, all at once, he understood it with terrible depth; his lips still burned, red and swollen, and there was nowhere on earth he could hide his face — he half wished to dash his head against the wall and die.

It confirmed the worst of his guesses. Lan Wangji was good to him, yes, but — most likely not the kind of good he had hoped for.

Unwilling to leave Lan Wangji awkward and ill at ease, Wei Wuxian hurried into his clothes any which way, patting the side of his head as he dressed, his tone no different from any other day: 'You've sobered up — ah, well, I'm about sober too.'

Lan Wangji turned and glanced at him. Wei Wuxian did not dare guess what feelings lay at the bottom of those eyes; his faintly trembling arms snatched up the clothes and pulled them over himself, only to see Lan Wangji, after a silent moment, reach a hand toward him, as if to help.

Wei Wuxian said quickly, 'No need!!!'

Lan Wangji's hand froze halfway, and sure enough, it withdrew.

Wei Wuxian let out a breath and murmured, 'No need for you to. I can manage on my own. You don't have to touch me.'

A man like Lan Wangji, after a thing like this, would probably still feel he had disordered the other's appearance — but Wei Wuxian had no face left to let Lan Wangji tidy him up. He grabbed an inner robe at random, scrubbed himself here and there, and flung it aside. 'That, ah — Lan Zhan, the two of us probably both drank too much tonight. Sorry about that.'

Lan Wangji did not speak.

Wei Wuxian got one boot on, hesitated a moment, then added, 'But you don't need to feel too embarrassed either — uh, it's quite normal for a man to be like this now and then. You — whatever you do, don't take it to heart.'

Lan Wangji watched him quietly. 'Normal?'

His voice sounded utterly calm.

But Wei Wuxian did not dare answer.

Lan Wangji asked again, 'Don't take it to heart?'

What Wei Wuxian had thought, at first, was that rather than have his feelings known and leave them both so awkward that even staying friends afterward would turn strange, he would sooner let Lan Wangji think him frivolous and base; now, though, he regretted the foolish words he had blurted without thinking, and said in a low voice, '...I'm sorry.'

Lan Wangji shot to his feet, and a flicker of panic caught Wei Wuxian; just then the innkeeper's wife came thudding up the stairs and rapped at the door. 'Young masters, young masters! Have you turned in for the night?'

Lan Wangji shifted his gaze away. Wei Wuxian hastily tugged on the other boot. 'We're up! No — we've turned in, we've turned in. Wait while I throw something on and get up.'

Only once Wei Wuxian was properly dressed did Lan Wangji cross over and open the door. Wei Wuxian said, 'What is it?'

The innkeeper's wife stood in the corridor, smiling apologetically. 'So sorry to trouble your rest this late, please don't take it amiss. But there's nothing for it — the guest just below you said water was dripping into his room, likely leaking down from yours, so I came up to have a look.' She craned her head inside, and at once was aghast. 'This — this — what on earth happened here!'

Wei Wuxian rubbed his chin. 'It's I who should be sorry. My apologies, ma'am. Drank too much tonight and went on a drunken tear, wanted a bath, got carried away and gave the tub a couple of good smacks — and there it went, all in pieces. Truly sorry. I'll pay for it.' No sooner had he said it than he remembered he had not a copper to pay with: all along their journey, every expense had fallen to Lan Wangji alone, so in the end the one settling the bill would be Lan Wangji again.

The innkeeper's wife said, 'It's nothing, nothing, think no more of it,' though her face was a picture of heartache as she stepped inside. 'However did the water leak through — there isn't even room to set a foot in here.' She bent to pick up a few of the cushions, and was aghast all over again. 'Why is there a hole here!'

It was the very one Lan Wangji had punched through with Bichen. Wei Wuxian shoved his hand into his slightly tousled hair and could only keep repeating his apologies. 'Aiya, that's my fault too — I was just tossing my sword about for fun, and, well...'

Before he had finished, Lan Wangji had already picked the coin pouch up off the floor and set a piece of silver on the table. The innkeeper's wife's face eased greatly, yet, pressing a hand to her chest, she could not help scolding a little. 'Young master, far be it from me to lecture, but a sword's a dangerous thing — how can you go tossing it about for play? Poking a hole in the mat and the floor is one matter, but what if someone got hurt?'

Wei Wuxian said, 'Yes, yes, yes, you're quite right, ma'am.'

The innkeeper's wife took the money. 'Let's leave it at that, then. It's so late — you two rest first, I'll move you to another room and have this mended in the morning.'

Wei Wuxian said, 'Good, thank you, sorry for the bother — wait! Make it two rooms, if you would.'

The innkeeper's wife said, puzzled, 'Why two rooms now?'

Wei Wuxian did not dare look at Lan Wangji, and said low, '...When I drink too much I go on a drunken tear — you've seen it yourself, smashing things and playing with swords. I'd hate to hurt someone.'

The innkeeper's wife said, 'That you would!'

Having agreed, she duly moved them into two rooms, settled them in, and only then went downstairs with her skirts gathered in hand. Wei Wuxian thanked her, opened the door to his own room, and as he turned his head he saw Lan Wangji standing in the corridor, Bichen in one hand, the other lightly pinching his forehead ribbon, head bowed, saying nothing.

Wei Wuxian had meant to duck straight into his room, but the sight stayed his feet. After turning it over a thousand ways, he said, careful and sincere, 'Lan Zhan, about tonight — I'm sorry.'

After a silence, Lan Wangji said in a low voice, 'You needn't say that word to me.'

Once he had set the ribbon properly back in place, he became again that composed, self-possessed Hanguang-jun, gave a slight nod, and said, 'Rest well. The Guanyin Temple, and the matter of going to Lanling — we'll discuss them tomorrow.'

At those words Wei Wuxian's heart cleared a little. At the least, there would still be things to discuss together tomorrow. He smiled and said, 'Mm, you too. Rest well — we'll discuss it tomorrow.'