Chapter 71

On June 5th, the city released the gaokao candidate numbers and seating arrangements. Fei Bolin's exam room was on the first floor of the pentagonal Teaching Building at his own school—the one closest to the School Gate.

Unfortunately, Wen Fu got assigned to No.3 High School, half the city away. On gaokao day he could only take the school shuttle bus to the exam site, wait out the full day of testing, then ride back.

On the seventh it rained, and the whole city felt cool.

At eight thirty in the morning, the bus commandeered as a campus shuttle pulled up outside No.1 High School. Before Wen Fu left the house, Fei Bolin had packed him two cartons of milk, a boxed lunch, an apple, and a bottle of water. After thinking it over, he'd gone to the medicine cabinet and dug out a vial of huoxiang zhengqi liquid. Once the food and medicine were ready, he checked Wen Fu's pencil case and document folder, and slipped a hundred yuan in mixed bills into the pencil case. Only after he was sure nothing was missing did he walk Wen Fu onto the bus himself.

'Go straight home and eat after the exam. Don't goof around on the way, don't eat random stuff.'

Wen Fu nodded, the backpack Fei Bolin had just washed clean for him slung over his shoulder. 'Okay.'

He climbed on board, found a window seat in a flash, and stuck his head out to look at Fei Bolin.

The bus pulled away. Wen Fu waved at Fei Bolin.

'Take your backpack off once you're on,' Fei Bolin called. 'It's heavy.'

Wen Fu shrugged off the backpack and waved again.

Fei Bolin laughed, waved back. 'Don't stick your head out!'

'Okay!'

A little cat-face withdrew into the bus.

The bus disappeared. Fei Bolin's phone buzzed in his pocket for no reason. He glanced down—another overseas call.

He'd lost count of how many overseas calls he'd hung up on in the past half year. He blocked this new number, then shut his phone off entirely before turning to head into the School.

Day one went smoothly. After the afternoon math exam, Fei Bolin ran a rough estimate in his head—the difficulty and his own performance were both right around his usual level. Wen Fu's reaction when he got home seemed decent too.

Next morning, same routine: the boxed lunch he'd prepared went into Wen Fu's backpack, Wen Fu got sent off onto the bus, and then Fei Bolin headed into his science comprehensive exam.

At eleven thirty the bell rang. Fei Bolin tucked away his admission ticket and pens and exhaled.

Just English left. If he played it normally, over 140 on that one subject was doable.

After this… high school would be over.

He'd already started thinking about how the two of them would spend Wen Fu's eighteenth birthday this year, what kind of place to rent, roughly what price range.

Stepping out of the exam room, he reflexively turned his phone on. Two missed calls. Two messages. All from the same unfamiliar number.

This time the number wasn't overseas. It was from Sichuan.

Fei Bolin opened the unread messages first.

[Bolín, pick up. It's urgent.]

[Bolín, it's Xu Wei. Pick up the phone. I actually have something for you this time. It's your mother's ashes.]

Fei Bolin froze.

His mother's ashes—what did that mean?

Weren't Lin Yuanyi's ashes resting fine in the cemetery? Why would Xu Wei say he had his mother's ashes to give him?

While he was still standing there stunned, the number called again.

Xu Wei's earlier numbers had all been blocked. He'd tried two more numbers since—Fei Bolin had picked up both times, heard Xu Wei's voice, and hung up immediately.

This time Fei Bolin stared at the new unfamiliar number for a long moment. He didn't hang up.

He just couldn't be bothered to greet Xu Wei. Straight to the point: 'What do you mean?'

'Bolín, you finally picked up.' Xu Wei sounded relieved. 'I really do have something serious to talk to you about this time.'

'I saw the messages.' Fei Bolin didn't want to waste words. 'My mother's ashes—what does that mean?'

'Bolín,' Xu Wei paused. His tone suddenly turned playful, all the gravity from the texts gone. 'When you got the Ashes Container back then, didn't you think it was… really light?'

Fei Bolin's fingertips trembled around the phone. His breathing grew heavy without him noticing.

When he'd first received Lin Yuanyi's Ashes Container all those years ago, his very first impression had been how light it was. Too light. Not heavy enough to hold an adult's remains.

But he hadn't known any better. Fifteen-year-old him was facing death for the first time.

Fifteen-year-old Fei Bolin, alone in the world, had touched his first box of ashes—and it was the only family he had left.

No one had told him how much a normal Ashes Container should weigh. No one had taught him how to tell whether the amount inside was right.

He'd had doubts. But he'd beaten them down himself, day after day, with guilt. He figured he hadn't taken good enough care of Lin Yuanyi when she was alive. He assumed that's just how light a person got, after suffering that much.

'What are you actually trying to say?' Fei Bolin asked.

Xu Wei told him the truth, each word weighted with meaning: 'The Ashes Container you got back then only had half of Lin Yuanyi's ashes in it.'

Xu Wei dropped any title or substitute. He bit down hard on 'Lin Yuanyi,' as if afraid Fei Bolin might somehow refuse to admit who they were talking about.

Fei Bolin didn't question him. Just: 'Where are the rest?'

'Right here with me.' Xu Wei took a sip of something—drink or liquor, hard to tell—and let out a long, unhurried sigh before continuing. 'I came this time to give you the rest of her ashes. Just got so busy I forgot—plus you haven't been picking up my calls for months. I'm heading back to Jin City today. Last day, figured I should at least let you know. Come pick up the other half of your mother's ashes.'

'Where?'

'Don't rush.' Xu Wei had known he'd ask. 'Two thirty this afternoon. I'll give you an address. Come get it yourself—half an hour window. Miss it and it's gone.'

'I have an exam at two thirty. Pick another time.' Fei Bolin said.

'I know you have an exam at two thirty. That's why I picked two thirty.' Xu Wei laughed on the other end. With every note of that laugh, something inside Fei Bolin went colder. 'Your mother's ashes, or the exam. Your call.'

Without waiting for a reply, Xu Wei hung up.

Fei Bolin stood at the exam room door. Candidates streamed out behind him. He stood still in the middle of the current, his hand at his side curled into a fist.

Half of what Xu Wei said was usually true. This whole stunt today was obviously meant to wreck his gaokao.

Fei Bolin understood that perfectly well.

A phone call out of nowhere. Two messages with no proof. Even if Xu Wei had nothing, the moment Fei Bolin's mind wavered, the moment he lost focus in the afternoon exam—Xu Wei would have already gotten half of what he wanted.

Fei Bolin looked down. A schoolbag hung off one shoulder. He stared at the dark phone screen for a while, then left the Teaching Building when a teacher called him along.

The noon sun climbed to the top of the sky. The ground burned. You couldn't keep your eyes open walking through the open spaces.

Fei Bolin sat in the cafeteria and took out his own lunchbox. Inside was the same food as in Wen Fu's, way over at No.3 High School.

No appetite. Whether from the heat or Xu Wei's call, he couldn't tell. He poked at a couple bites of rice with his chopsticks. Couldn't swallow.

If only Wen Fu were here.

The thought hit him out of nowhere.

He didn't know what difference it would make. Maybe none at all. But he couldn't stop thinking it: if only Wen Fu were here.

He felt like a useless adult. The years he'd lived alone before were wasted. Half a day away from Wen Fu and his heart was unsteady, his nerves shot, the smallest thing pushing him to the edge.

Outside the window, cicadas screamed like a dull blade sawing through a throat, each cry longer than the last. Some people dozed off with their heads on the cafeteria tables after eating. Others clutched random English notes and read.

Fei Bolin's full lunchbox was barely touched. He stared out at the ground beyond the cafeteria, blazing white under the sun, lost in thought.

One fifty.

Time for the exam room.

Fei Bolin glanced at his phone one last time, tucked the lunchbox and vocabulary notebook into his bag, and got ready to head to the classroom.

He'd barely stepped out of the cafeteria when his phone buzzed.

Fei Bolin stopped. He slid his hand into his School Uniform jacket pocket and stood perfectly still, gripping the phone as the messages came in one after another.

The cafeteria emptied out. Streams of people flowed from the dorms and the School Gate toward the Teaching Building. Only Fei Bolin stood motionless under the blazing sun, surrounded by the cicadas' racket.

He took out his phone and opened the messages.

[[Image]]

[Two thirty. Xuetan Park. Come get your mother's ashes.]

[Half an hour.]

[If you don't come, Lin Yuanyi's ashes go into the Jinsha River.]

The photo showed an Ashes Container, locked. Written on it in English were Lin Yuanyi's name, her date of birth, and the date of her death.

March 4, 2012.

The first half of Lin Yuanyi's ashes had taken a month to travel overseas to Fei Bolin. Only now, on this second container, did he learn the exact time of her death.

Probably to head off any disbelief, Xu Wei sent another message.

[When your mother died, we had someone split the ashes into two. This one's been sealed since it came out of the funeral home. Nobody's touched the box.]

Half an hour until the exam started.

Fei Bolin dropped his bag and ran for the school gate like a man gone mad.

-

Two ten in the afternoon.

Wen Fu's heart gave an unexplained lurch as he walked into the exam room.

He sat down, took out his pen, and—without knowing why—glanced toward No.1 High School.

Xuetan Park faced Rongyi High School across the Jinsha River. They looked close, but getting from No.1 High School to Xuetan meant crossing the thousand-meter-long Zhongba Bridge first.

No honking outside No.1 High School. At this hour, citizens and taxis alike voluntarily avoided the area. Fei Bolin ran a long way before he finally flagged down a cab in front of the Department Store Building.

The hottest part of the day. The whole city lay drowsy under the sun, baked into silence. Even the river had no energy to move, slapping the bank half-heartedly every now and then.

Fei Bolin got out at Xuetan Park. If the driver hadn't called out to him, he'd have forgotten to pay.

He walked all the way to the water's edge before he saw, in the distance, three people on the rocky bank.

Strictly speaking, they weren't standing. They were crouching.

Xu Wei and the others had been waiting so long they'd gotten bored. They were passing the time trying to pour Lin Yuanyi's ashes from the Ashes Container into an empty plastic Mineral Water Bottle.

By the time Fei Bolin reached them, they'd just finished.

White. A full bottle. Red plastic cap screwed tight.

'There you are, Bolín.' Xu Wei tipped his face up into the sun and greeted Fei Bolin with a smile.

'Where are my mother's ashes?' Fei Bolin asked.

'Right here.' Xu Wei lifted the Mineral Water Bottle. He wasn't surprised to see Fei Bolin's eyes narrow sharply.

Fei Bolin reached for it. Xu Wei pulled the bottle back, stood up, turned toward the river, and pulled out his phone. 'Let me show you something first.'

Fei Bolin wasn't about to wait. The moment he lunged for the bottle, Meng Yu and Zou Qi on either side of him grabbed both his arms.

'Found it!' Maybe in a good mood today, Xu Wei kept up that fake-innocent smile. He pulled out a very old smartphone from his bag. Fei Bolin recognized it at a glance—it was Lin Yuanyi's.

He struggled desperately to break free and grab it. Meng Yu kicked the back of his knee, and he went down.

The rocks by the river were scorching. Fei Bolin's knees hit the ground through the thin blue polyester School Uniform pants with a dull thud.

The phone screen was held up to his face.

The river wind messed up his hair. Through the strands whipping across his face, he saw what was on the screen.

It was surveillance footage. Even compressed and sped up, it was long.

The footage recorded Lin Yuanyi lying in a hospital bed: from her first arrival overseas and admission to the ward, to every treatment where she was coherent enough to call the nurses and doctors by name, from barely lucid to foggy and confused, to countless nights tossing in pain, and finally the long slide into coma and resuscitation.

In her last few days, no one came to her room anymore.

Lin Yuanyi lay in bed, forgotten by the whole world, quietly waiting for death. The Xu Family and Fei Family Estate had never actually given her the full treatment they'd claimed. Not one person from either family had set foot in that room. Fei Bolin watched his mother—like a withered stick of dry wood—tortured again and again by illness, and when her mind slipped away, all she could do was slap the iron railing beside the bed with her palm to call for help.

Fei Bolin's breath stopped.

He watched the last night in the footage. The room was deathly quiet. Lin Yuanyi opened her eyes wide and called out 'Mama' in that silence where you could hear a pin drop.

Lin Yuanyi was calling for her own mother.

Faint. Clear. Again and again.

A gust of river wind blew away the tears that had run to his jaw. On the silent rocky bank, he let out a raw, terrible cry: 'Ma! Ma!'

Zou Qi and Meng Yu gripped his arms hard. Fei Bolin strained forward, almost shoving his head into the screen.

He looked up at Xu Wei, eyes redder than they'd ever been, still hoarse, still shouting: 'Give them to me!'

'What's the rush.' Xu Wei pocketed the phone and glanced at his watch. An hour and a half until the exam ended.

'Let me explain, Bolín.'

He tossed the Mineral Water Bottle full of ashes in his hand as he spoke, facing the wind off the river, unhurried. 'I didn't want to grind you down like this. Didn't want to grind your mother down like this either. But remember—the one who did all this isn't me, isn't the Xu Family. It's your father, the one who acts like a hands-off boss. He told us not to treat Lin Yuanyi. Told us to leave her alone. He hated her. Don't you dare put this on the Xu Family's tab.'

Fei Bolin said nothing. He just stared at the phone in Xu Wei's hand. The moment he started to struggle, Meng Yu yanked his hair back from behind. 'Move again and your mother's ashes go in the river.'

Every muscle in Fei Bolin's body tensed without his permission. He stared at Xu Wei's hand. Stared for a long time. Finally his eyes dropped and he went still.

'But tell me—is your father sick in the head? I think everyone in the Fei Family Estate is!' Xu Wei walked a few steps along the rocky bank. 'He hated her that much, and still he wants her son back to inherit the business! Isn't that just him saying the Xu Family doesn't count as people?'

As he spoke, Xu Wei spat hard at Fei Bolin's feet. 'Fuck—he didn't just treat me like nothing, he treated me like a dog! He actually sent me to come find you, to bow and scrape and invite you back! Invite you back for what? To die for him! And after you're dead, the Xu Family gets to keep serving the Fei Family! Piss off!'

Fei Bolin took a kick without resisting, like every ounce of strength had drained out of him.

His eyes were low, fixed on the ground. Empty. He stood like a piece of wood, quietly waiting for Xu Wei to finish venting.

'I had no choice. I had to ruin you.' Xu Wei's tone evened out. He pretended to think. 'But how do I ruin you, Young Master Fei? Make you hate him? That's not enough. I don't even need to do that—Lin Yuanyi already hated him plenty. If Lin Yuanyi hated him, how could you, Fei Bolin, be far behind? But Lin Yuanyi dying was good for me. With Lin Yuanyi dead, you'll hate him even more from now on. Still not enough though. So what do I do?'

Xu Wei circled Fei Bolin once, then stopped in front of him. Light, breezy, answering his own question: 'Your spirit!'

He pointed at Fei Bolin's nose. 'Especially people like you and Lin Yuanyi—the kind who live on spirit.'

Fei Bolin didn't answer. Didn't even lift his eyelids.

'To destroy a person, you don't go after the body. You kill the spirit.' Xu Wei was on a roll now, lecturing Fei Bolin like he was explaining some principle. 'Once the spirit's gone, the person is done.'

He raised his foot and tipped Fei Bolin's chin up with his toe. 'You looking like this dead thing right now? I'm very happy with it.'

Fei Bolin still didn't react. No matter what Xu Wei said, nothing.

Xu Wei suddenly lost interest.

He yanked his foot back, signaled Zou Qi and Meng Yu to let Fei Bolin go, and tossed the Mineral Water Bottle and the old phone at Fei Bolin's feet like garbage. Then he turned and walked off. 'I've got a flight to catch. Young Master Fei—go on, collect your mother's ashes—'

Xu Wei's figure retreated into the distance. Zou Qi and Meng Yu let go of him and bolted for the car, terrified Fei Bolin might turn into a mad dog and chase them down.

Fei Bolin stayed on his knees, motionless. Only after Xu Wei's car disappeared from the road did he seem to notice the phone and the ashes on the ground. Expressionless, slowly, he picked them up one by one.

He pressed the plastic bottle and the phone against his chest first, tilted his head, and put his ear up to the bottle—as if he could hear Lin Yuanyi's heartbeat that way, as if he could hear her calling 'Mama' again and again before she died.

He waited until—his own body heat or the sun, he couldn't tell which—had warmed the phone and the bottle. Then he reached for the Ashes Container a short distance away.

Slowly, carefully, he unscrewed the bottle and tried to pour the ashes into the container, bit by bit.

But the river wouldn't cooperate. Gusts kept rising. Every bit of ashes Fei Bolin poured out, the wind caught and scattered into the air.

He screwed the cap back on in frustration. Stood up, holding the phone and the Ashes Container, and walked without direction. Finally he reached a tree that blocked the wind. He slid down the trunk to the ground, opened the bottle again, and started pouring.

Halfway through pouring, a wisp of ashes rose with no wind behind it and drifted across his cheek.

Fei Bolin froze for a moment, then realized his face was wet. A tear had already fallen into the container.

Something finally stirred in his calm, still features.

'Is that you?' he asked the ashes in the bottle.

The wisp of ashes that had brushed his cheek drifted upward, like a curl of smoke, and vanished into the air.

Fei Bolin stared at where they'd disappeared, dazed, murmuring: 'Ma… is that you?'

No one answered.

-

The last of the ashes went into the container just as the exam-end bell rang from the school across the river.

Fei Bolin looked up at the sky.

The sun was blazing.

English was over.

High school was over.

Everything was over.