Chapter 111: Talk It Through

Qiao Lan had previously thought of ways to get Tan Mo to stop lying to her, to be nice to him so that he would feel safe, etc.

That's what she's going to do.

But that doesn't mean Tan Mo doesn't do anything.

Qiao Lan wanted a chance to talk to Tan Mo about it, but never got the chance.

She found that if she looked at Tan Mo, she could tell if he was telling the truth or lying, or if Qiao Lan knew Tan Mo well enough to be able to guess Tan Mo's more realistic thoughts.

Qiao Lan didn't find much opportunity to spend the weekend with Tan Mo, also because Tan Mo was very real on those two days, he was happy and Qiao Lan could see that right away.

Tan Mo was taken aback by the sudden seriousness of Qiao Lan's tone and subconsciously raised his head to meet Qiao Lan's eyes, who stared straight into his eyes and did not allow him to dodge them.

"That reaction, I don't like."

Tan Mo was stunned.

Eyes uncontrollably messed up.

No one knows how afraid he was of Qiao Lan saying the word "dislike".

Qiao Lan could see the confusion and panic in Tan Mo's eyes and couldn't stop feeling distressed, but continued, "Do you know why? Don't look down and look at me."

Tan Mo's eyes faltered as he tried to move away and redirected his attention to Qiao Lan, his voice trailing off.

"I don't know."

Qiao Lan sighed, her voice softening and slightly hurt, "Because this reaction makes me feel less like you and makes me think you don't care about me that much."

"No," Tan Mo now answered quickly, with some answers that didn't require any thought at all, "I only care about you."

"So why be so bland about letting me go", Qiao Lan said, "If I were you and you were going to a place full of strangers I didn't know and lots of girls who thought you were handsome, I'd be upset."

No...not happy, Tan Mo looked at her in awe, "Why..."

"Because I like you ah, like is very overbearing very unreasonable, I do not like other girls looking at you, do not like you with other people take up my time with you, do not like someone secretly looking at you like you in a place I do not know, so I definitely do not want you to go. But if I must go, let's see, I'll ask you what time you finish and when you come back you'll ask if there are any other girls who like you, always something to put my mind at ease, after all, my boyfriend is so handsome and so good."

Tan Mo looked at her in silence and did not speak.

Qiao Lan continued as if he knew nothing.

"If I were you I would be like this, I like you so I'm going to express it I'm going to let you know I care. I can't do that unless I don't care, or I'm trying to hide my thoughts and pretend I don't care, but since we love each other we should be honest, we shouldn't hide and we shouldn't cheat. So MoMo, with this reaction, do you not care about me or are you hiding your thoughts and pretending not to care?"

Tan Mo was too scared to look at her like that, but Qiao Lan wouldn't let him look away.

Is it because you don't care or are you trying to hide the idea and pretend you don't care?

Tan Mo was so cold that his hands were stiff.

If he hadn't understood Qiao Lan's intentions by this time, Tan Mo would not have been able to get into this school.

Qiao Lan has said so much, but in the end, he only wanted to ask him, "What is the reason for you to hide your thoughts and lie to me?

She found out that he had lied, found out that he had lied to him.

She said that people who love each other shouldn't have to cheat, but he cheated her.

Qiao Lan was disappointed with him.

The moment the word "disappointment" came to mind, Tan Mo felt a twisting pain in her heart.

What happens after disappointment, it slowly becomes dislike, and after dislike, what happens, break up? Leave? Never see each other again?

Tan Mo felt the blood all over his body had gone cold, and he sat there in a daze, not moving, and after a long time he spoke almost without consciousness.

"No don't care", I only care about you.

"Then why lie to me."

"I thought you'd like that..."

I like that he is not selfish, that he is not a bother, that he is generous.

Thought? Like this?

Qiao Lan's heart really ached when he looked at him like this, and he just wanted to hold him and rub him, but in the end he held back.

"Still on the same topic, would you like it if you went to a club and I just flat out said 'go for it'?"

"...won't."

"So why do you think I like it?" Qiao Lan sometimes wonders why she thinks she would like the reaction, even though she understands that Tan Mo is doing it for her, "Tan Mo, I don't like it either."

This time it's Tan Mo.

And again, it's not like that all over again.

It was like another stab in the heart.

"It's not the same," Tan Mo said, and he was silent for a few moments after he finished before continuing, "Me and you, it's not the same."

Tan Mo was probably too desperate, and in an instant even thought of the most unacceptable point, some words that he never dared to say in front of Qiao Lan again now broke out as if they were broken. know what I'm really thinking. I don't want you to go, if you don't say yes then I'll take you back, nothing you can say will help, I don't want you to have friends, you have family, I don't want you to see anyone but me..."

"So go ahead and do that."

All of Tan Mo's words stopped because of Qiao Lan's words.

As if he hadn't reacted, it was a long time before he said, "What..."

"I said do what you want then," Qiao Lan looked at him with a look that was not a joke, "Did I ever tell you when I started liking you."

Tan Mo was stunned for a moment, "No."

"You asked me what I would do if you couldn't stand up, and that time," Qiao Lan said, "you asked me what I would do, and I said I would take care of you for the rest of my life, and that's when I realised I liked you."

Tan Mo's fingers twitched, it was... so early...

He always thought it was after he stood up.

"I remember when I first met you, I kept talking to you but you ignored me, you were much harder to get along with then than you are now. You always felt that people were trying to hurt you, you wanted to kill yourself whenever things didn't go your way, you were dead and had no energy, you were even more unintelligible than you are now, you did exactly what you wanted to do without making any sense at all, and you couldn't even stand up."

Tan Mo didn't even know how to look at Qiao Lan after hearing his words, so bad he was, so unaware of what was wrong with him.

"But I still like you", Qiao Lan's tone softened as she reached across the table and touched Tan Mo's cheek, "Do you know how much? Surely you don't know, surely you don't know what you mean to me."

"...what", Tan Mo became a silly man who couldn't talk.

"I grew up in a family in a puddle of mud, in darkness, unable to step back but unable to see ahead, you were a light, the light that brought me out of the darkness was my salvation. You were always afraid I would leave you, how could I be, you were my light, even a cactus doesn't need water, but it will die without it."

Tan Mo doesn't know what it's like to die, he only knows what it's like to live after the robbery.

It is what it is now.

Tan Mo felt he had walked through hell, only to be suddenly pulled back by Qiao Lan and taken to heaven.

How could a man like him be light, how could he be salvation, Qiao Lan was the light and salvation he was chasing, he even felt that these two words insulted them by being placed on himself.

But Qiao Lan looked at him seriously and told him that it was not a lie, but the truth.

"Possessiveness, paranoia about feelings, extremes, it's not a disorder of Asperger syndrome, it's a disorder of love, and it's not just you who have it, I do too. What I said to you at the beginning was not just an intentional attempt to lead you on, it was my true thoughts, and I would have preferred you to say what you really thought when I said I was going elsewhere, not what you thought I would like. I've seen you at your truest, and I like you hopelessly because you're at your truest, and like you just because it's you, and if you disguise yourself as someone else, that's not how I like you."

"Are you going to go on like this and become someone who is a stranger to me and who I grow to dislike?"

"No," Tan Mo said, shaking his head without thinking.

In every love that gives its heart, there is no one who is not inferior.

Inferiority complex to the point of abandoning the self for the other person and trying to become what the other person likes.

But it never occurred to him that what he perceived Qiao Lan to be like was simply wrong.

Qiao Lan is still largely disappointed with him.

Because even he was disappointed in himself.

Tan Mo wanted to ask but was a bit afraid to do so. Qiao Lan could see that he was about to say something and asked him what he wanted to say and then quickly said, "Don't lie to me!"

"Are you," Tan Mo said with a strained voice, "not disappointed in me."

Qiao Lan smiled, "That's not true, I was a little sad and a little angry, angry that I wasn't you, but not disappointed."

"Why."

"Because it's too much to give up."

Tan Mo's eyes ached and he suddenly wanted to take the person into his arms like that, but in the end he suppressed it, "...I said why are you angry with yourself."

"Because I was wondering if it was because of me, because I subconsciously wanted you to get along with everyone, that's why you did it, MoMo , I'm sorry I misled you, from now on follow your heart okay, do whatever you want, don't have too many worries."

Tan Mo had managed to come to his senses, but he was dumb again after hearing this.

After a moment before saying, "Can you do whatever you want."

Qiao Lan replied, "You just said if I want to go to a club, what do you want to do?"

"Don't want you to go, if you don't say yes then take you back, nothing you can say will help, I don't want you to have friends, you have family, don't want you to see anyone but me..." Tan Mo replied like a repeater, dryly.

"Yes, this," Qiao Lan wiped her hands with a wet wipe after eating, "doesn't want me to go, this is fine, but not the back."

"Do what you say you want to do..."

"Do whatever you want, it's for you not to hold back, but I'll tell you what you can and can't do. We are a couple, there can be communication and negotiation, you and I can have concessions but no cheating, why not just ask me what I like or don't like rather than guessing on your own where I like or don't like, I'll be happy to tell you."

Communication is the best solution. As long as the two people have each other in their hearts, there is nothing that cannot be communicated properly.

Tan Mo may have had a little difficulty understanding this sentence, but after a long time of thinking with his head down, he finally figured it out, and finally decided to try a new way of communication.

"Then I don't want you to go to the club this afternoon."

Qiao Lan nodded, "Yeah."

"So", Mo Tan added after a pause, "can you not go then?"

"Can't."

Tan Mo: "...... Why?"

"Because this is your punishment for lying to me for so long", Qiao Lan stood up and pinched Tan Mo's face, "When I asked you if you wanted to go to the psychology club, you said I would go if I wanted to, are you sorry now?"

Tan Mo shoulders slumped.

Now think about it.

Really regretful.