Chapter 91

Lu Heyang's flight assessment did not pass.

Song Yuke waiting outside stared blankly at the data on the screen. This was a routine test for Alpha pilots after their Susceptibility Period ended — for an Air Force Colonel, it was the kind of operation one could pass with eyes closed. But Lu Heyang had failed by half a point, and in every previous similar test, he had scored nothing less than full marks.

Song Yuke had come in with the leisurely ease of someone settling down to breakfast, expecting to dispatch the matter as quickly and easily as a basket of soup dumplings — he had not expected Lu Heyang to serve him a bowl of buckshot instead.

The training pod's hatch opened, and Lu Heyang emerged with his usual composure, as if the one who had failed were someone else.

'Impossible.' Song Yuke's eyes went vacant. 'Colonel, are you feeling unwell? Let's try again?'

'No need, the result would be the same.' Lu Heyang took off his flight helmet and handed it to the soldier beside him, still in a state of shock, then said to Song Yuke, 'Get ready for the morning meeting.'

Song Yuke felt a wave of dizziness and steadied himself against the wall.

The meeting had just ended, the attendees not yet dispersed, when Song Yuke hurried in clutching Lu Heyang's communicator, his face creased with worry as he lowered his voice: 'Commander Luojun called.'

'Mm.' Lu Heyang handed him the meeting documents and, taking the call, walked toward the door. 'Commander.'

'What's going on — are you planning never to fly again?' Luojun asked. 'Tell me, what's the reason? Otherwise the news that Colonel Lu failed his basic exam will spread through the entire Union Air Force Corps in no time.'

'State of mind.' Lu Heyang said with a smile.

'Say something believable.'

'Managing the Air Force Base is primarily ground-based command, and I no longer have much time to lead sorties myself,' Lu Heyang said. 'Before, you and other senior officers suggested I shift toward leadership and management.'

'That's the outcome, not your motivation.' Luojun was not buying it. 'Before, when I begged you to take a leadership role, you refused — you were so eager to live inside a fighter jet every day. Now suddenly you want to come down to ground? You'll have to give me a proper reason.'

'It's a personal matter. I'll retake the flight assessment later.'

'Still might as well have said nothing.' Luojun sighed. 'Fine, it's rare for you to have any personal matters at all, so I won't press further. You've always been someone I can count on.'

'Thank you, Commander.'

The call ended just as he reached his office. He pushed open the door and heard his Mobile Phone ringing on the desk. Crossing to it, he saw it was Gu Yunchi calling, and the other man's opening line was: 'Xu Ze contacted me.'

Lu Heyang paused the hand that had been scrolling through messages on his communicator. 'What about?'

'He asked for my card number. I didn't know what you meant by it, so I called to ask.' Gu Yunchi said. 'It seems Colonel Lu isn't doing so well — you've got Doctor Xu going through an intermediary just to pay you back.'

Lu Heyang asked: 'Has Gu Colonel finished his self-criticism report for missing the post-battle meeting last time? I hear it's supposed to be no fewer than five thousand words.'

'What, are you planning to write it for me?'

'I have no experience writing self-criticism reports.' Lu Heyang sat down in his chair. 'Can't help you there, sorry.'

Gu Yunchi said: 'Then never mind.'

'Have Doctor Xu transfer the money to you, then.' Lu Heyang returned to the original topic.

'Is that supposed to mean it's over?'

'I just wanted to let him resolve it in whatever way felt comfortable to him.'

Gu Yunchi gave an 'mm,' and Lu Heyang heard the click of a lighter, followed by a clean, faintly resolute voice on the other end of the line: 'Would you mind not smoking?'

Silence fell between them. A few seconds later, Gu Yunchi said coldly, 'Hanging up,' and ended the call.

He had barely set down the phone when there was a knock at the office door. Su Lian — who, unsettled by the Colonel's outrageous proposal, had originally been scheduled to arrive in Capital City only several days later — spoke from outside: 'Colonel Lu.'

Lu Heyang looked up. 'Come in.'

It had been two days since Xu Ze had gone to the Research Institute. On the subway, he sent Chi Jiahán a message asking if he wanted to have breakfast together.

Chi Jiahán: I won't go, you eat.

Xu Ze: Should I bring you something to the office?

Chi Jiahán: No need, I don't really feel like eating.

Sensing something was off, Xu Ze still brought breakfast to the Dental Department. It was still early; the department was empty and quiet. Xu Ze walked to the office door and knocked.

Before looking up, Chi Jiahán pulled his mask up from his chin to cover his face, then turned toward the door.

'What happened to your face?' Xu Ze set the breakfast on the desk and asked.

'Nothing.' Chi Jiahán stood and walked toward the filing cabinet nearby, pretending to fetch something.

Xu Ze raised a hand to stop him and asked again: 'What happened?'

Receiving no answer, Xu Ze gripped Chi Jiahán's shoulder and turned him around, then with his other hand pulled off the mask — the Omega's left cheek, near the corner of his mouth, was slightly swollen with a bruise, though not too serious.

'How did you get this?' Xu Ze asked, quite calmly.

Chi Jiahán sat back down in his chair and began unpacking the breakfast: 'My dad and his wife came back to the country yesterday and asked me to dinner. I got there and found they'd arranged an Alpha to meet me. Some notorious playboy, rotten character, very familiar with my dad and his wife, didn't bother to ask my opinion — the lot of them just started discussing who to invite to the engagement. Pathetic.'

'I was already fed up, and that Alpha was rubbing my leg under the table. I couldn't help it — I flipped the dishes.' Chi Jiahán ate his breakfast with half his face swollen, expressionless. 'Nearly came to blows with my dad, then I tripped and knocked into a chair. That's how.'

Xu Ze said nothing, quietly watching Chi Jiahán finish eating. Work hours were approaching, and scattered footsteps began to sound outside. Once Chi Jiahán had tidied his desk, Xu Ze asked: 'Would you like to get a marriage certificate with me?'

The suggestion of getting a certificate looked like a casual remark Chi Jiahán had tossed off — and only looked it. Xu Ze believed that if Chi Jiahán had said it, it meant it might be one of the solutions. Certainly not the best one, but if it worked, that was enough.

'...Do you want to die?' Chi Jiahán didn't look at Xu Ze. 'The moment we get the certificate, my dad will come after you.'

Xu Ze only said: 'Think about it.'

He then left the office, intending to go to the surgery department for some medicine, only to find He Wei standing with arms folded against the corridor wall outside, his head turned to meet Xu Ze's gaze.

This seemed to be the first time Xu Ze had seen He Wei with such an expression — no trace of a smile, making it finally, unmistakably clear that this Alpha was a police officer.

He had probably overheard. Xu Ze didn't feel it appropriate to explain, so he only nodded to He Wei and walked toward the elevator.

After Xu Ze left, He Wei straightened up and entered the office. Chi Jiahán, catching movement in his peripheral vision, put his mask back on. Looking up and seeing it was He Wei, he paused for a moment before asking: 'What are you doing at the hospital so early?'

'If I hadn't come early, I'd have missed Doctor Xu proposing to you.' He Wei said.

Chi Jiahán didn't want to explain himself — no mood, no need. He lowered his head, tucked the organized report sheets into a folder, and walked toward the door: 'Move.'

He Wei was still blocking the way, and with a swift motion pulled off Chi Jiahán's mask — so fast that Chi Jiahán didn't even react, only beginning to feel annoyed a few seconds later. Having his mask pulled off by two Alphas in ten minutes was genuinely irritating.

Before Chi Jiahán could speak, He Wei frowned, pressed a hand to the side of his neck, and studied the bruise on his face for a moment before asking: 'Who did this?'

'I bumped into something myself.'

That was the truth, but He Wei clearly didn't believe it. Without a word, he drew his pistol from the holster beneath his jacket at his waist and set it on the edge of the desk, beside Chi Jiahán's hand.

It was hard to imagine a police officer doing such a thing. Chi Jiahán said: 'Are you encouraging me to go kill my father?'

'So it was your uncle.' He Wei had his answer. 'Because he doesn't agree to your marriage with Xu Ze?'

'None of your business.'

'How is it not my business? I still have to prepare a gift.'

'No need, I won't invite you.'

'Why not? I've already sent you an invitation. Is Doctor Chi that impolite?'

Chi Jiahán suddenly looked up at him. After a moment, he tossed the folder onto the desk, turned, and pulled open the first drawer — from inside he took out the pink envelope He Wei had given him months ago, which contained no wedding invitation. Chi Jiahán pulled out the blue IC card and threw it against He Wei's chest, his voice no longer calm but slightly trembling: 'What exactly do you mean?'

The card fell to the ground, its front revealed — a Union Preparatory Academy student card, Senior Year Class 9, Chi Jiahán, student number 5. In the color one-inch photo, the Omega's face was pretty and delicate, though his expression was thoroughly sour.

He Wei bent to pick up the student card, looked at the photo, and said softly: 'I want to ask that too.'

He had wanted to ask a long time ago — seven years ago. When he learned that Lu Heyang had been injured in a kidnapping, and that He Yu might have fallen off a cliff with no body to recover, He Wei had locked himself in a suite at Yunwan Hotel and drunk himself into a stupor — until someone walked in, crouched beside the sofa, wiped the tears from his face, and called his name.

'Jiahán...' He Wei recognized the visitor and said, his voice breaking, 'My brother is gone.'

'I know,' Chi Jiahán said.

As if finally finding an outlet, He Wei clung to him and wept: 'I told him long ago not to get involved with Tang Feiyi... if only he'd listened to me... he might not have died.'

Chi Jiahán was not good at comforting people. He simply held He Wei by the neck and stroked his hair. Feeling that the spot on his own shoulder was about to be soaked through with tears, Chi Jiahán pulled back slightly and said: 'Rest a bit before you keep crying.'

Then he leaned in and lightly pressed his lips to He Wei's, just brushing before pulling away — but He Wei caught the back of his head, chased after him, and kissed him a few more times, looking at Chi Jiahán with those reddened, bewildered eyes.

Chi Jiahán asked him: 'Do you feel a little better?'

His alcohol-numbed brain couldn't think. He Wei kissed Chi Jiahán again. Chi Jiahán did not refuse He Wei's tongue prying past his teeth into his mouth, nor his hand reaching his waist — even when he was lifted onto the sofa, Chi Jiahán only said: 'I'm still wearing my backpack.'

So the backpack and the school uniform jacket were removed together, their bare torsos pressed together. Sensing the Omega's stiffness and tension, He Wei stopped, propped himself up — but Chi Jiahán turned his face away and said: 'Just this once.'

He Wei at that moment couldn't yet parse what those words meant — his thoughts could only grasp what was happening before him. He saw Chi Jiahán's tears, heard him say 'slower,' and so He Wei gentled his movements, lowered his head to kiss Chi Jiahán's face, and called him 'baby.'

From the living room to the bedroom, and when he woke it was already the next morning. The pillow beside him was empty — no backpack, no school uniform, no Chi Jiahán. He Wei got out of bed, walked out of the room, and picked up a Preparatory Academy student card from beside the sofa.

The phone was off when he called. He Wei learned from others that Chi Jiahán had stopped going to school and was receiving private tutoring. For several days afterward, He Wei went near Chi Jiahán's home but never saw him — he must have moved alone to some other place.

Not long after, the Police Academy term began, and He Wei had to pack and go abroad. At the Airport he called Chi Jiahán one last time — unexpectedly, it actually connected — and in that moment He Wei didn't know what to say.

He suddenly thought of Chi Jiahán's 'just this once,' and finally understood, a little.

Even though they were still very young, they still could not have enough time.

'I'm sorry.' He Wei said.

The other end of the line remained silent. Finally, Chi Jiahán hung up.

Many years had passed, and He Wei still didn't understand — back then, Chi Jiahán could clearly have ignored him entirely, could have refused to give him even 'once,' yet he had still gone to Gu Yunchi for He Wei's room number and key card, and comforted him in an unexpected way.

But really, asking early or late was useless — Chi Jiahán had never been the kind of person who would give him an answer.

'I'll take that as you reporting him.' He Wei holstered his gun and put the student card in his pocket — he had kept this card for seven years, and since Chi Jiahán clearly didn't want it back, it would have to stay with him. He Wei said, 'Later I'll bring people to your uncle's house to investigate the violence he committed against you.'

'I told you, I bumped into it myself.' Chi Jiahán turned his head away. 'If he'd hit me, I'd have reported it and made a scene long ago.'

Rather than, like seven years ago, enduring two slaps in silence.

The reason was that he had come home in the small hours of the morning, drenched in Alpha Pheromone, a temporary mark on his gland, and contraceptives just bought found in his backpack.

His father had roared accusations of his filthy, wanton behavior; his stepmother had mocked him, asking where Mayor Chi's face would be if word got out. To the question of 'who was that Alpha,' Chi Jiahán had stayed silent, and in the end received two slaps from his enraged father and was confined to another house.

Chi Jiahán knew this was wrong before doing it, and through it began to understand Xu Ze a little — why one would do something knowing there would be no result. The difference was that Chi Jiahán would only let himself be wrong once, while Xu Ze would stubbornly persist in being wrong.

A colleague arrived at the office. Chi Jiahán nudged He Wei's arm, signaling him to leave. He Wei said nothing more, glanced at Chi Jiahán once, and turned away with a cold expression.

Walking out of the hospital building, He Wei sat in his car for a while, then finally called Lu Heyang.

'What is it.'

'Come out for a drink.'

'It's eight in the morning.'

He Wei took a deep breath, ran his hand back through his hair: 'Chi Jiahán seems to be getting married.'

'Is that so.' Compared to He Wei's agitation, Lu Heyang, as an outsider, sounded perfectly even. 'So suddenly — to whom?'

'Xu Ze. He proposed.'

Very quiet — at least half a minute. He Wei suspiciously held the phone up before his face; he thought Lu Heyang had hung up, otherwise why the silence, but the screen showed the call was still connected.

'Can you hear me?' He Wei asked.

'I'm fine.' Lu Heyang spoke again. 'There'll be a divorce.'

He Wei laughed coldly: 'Easy for you to say when it's not happening to you.'

'What is it — do you mind a second marriage?'

His irritation, drawn by Lu Heyang into the strange loop of divorce and remarriage, turned into something bewildering. He Wei didn't know why he was answering the question, but because it was about Chi Jiahán, he answered anyway: 'I don't mind.'

'Mm, I don't mind either.' Lu Heyang said.

After hanging up, He Wei stared at the steering wheel for a while, realizing that the conversation with Lu Heyang had been utterly useless.

In less than two days, Lu Heyang signed a confidentiality treatment agreement of seventy-nine full pages with a psychological counseling institution.

Su Lian had barely made any progress in persuading Lu Heyang to abandon his decision. As Lu Heyang's long-time psychological counselor — perhaps it was a bit presumptuous to say so — Su Lian considered herself one of the most professional psychological military doctors in the League. She simply could not entrust Lu Heyang's memory recovery treatment to another doctor.

'I don't know what has made you gamble your entire career on this kind of treatment.' Su Lian said. 'From what I can see now, losing your memory hasn't had too great an impact on you. There's no need to take this risk.'

'Is Doctor Su a little anxious?' Lu Heyang only smiled. 'It's alright. I assure you I have the capacity to bear the consequences. If anything goes wrong, I'll take responsibility. No one will trace it to you.'

'You know that's not what I'm worried about.'

'Then will Doctor Su refuse?' Lu Heyang asked. 'If so, there's still plenty of room now.'

Su Lian pressed her brow for a few seconds, then sighed softly: 'I'll do my best.'

'Alright. Thank you for your trouble.'

After Su Lian left the office, Lu Heyang received a notification for the afternoon after tomorrow about the Northern Theater Victory Celebration and Medal Ceremony. If nothing unexpected happened, Gu Yunchi, who had been stationed in the Northern Theater for several years, should be promoted to colonel this time.

If he had already submitted that five-thousand-word self-criticism to Military Headquarters.

The drink with He Wei didn't happen either — the same day he finished the phone call, He Wei led a team out on a secret mission. A Senior Inspector temporarily reassigned to the Capital City for rest by the Union Supreme Police Bureau — someone who could sit as an equal with the Capital Bureau chief — by rights only needed to attend meetings and issue orders, but He Wei, as if he had nine lives, flung himself into the front lines without regard for his own safety. It was said his mother had begun eating vegetarian meals and chanting sutras for her son's blessing several years ago.

Everything was proceeding as usual, in order. Nothing in particular.

Lu Heyang found his Mobile Phone under a pile of documents and sent Xu Ze a message: Doctor Xu, I'll need the badge the day after tomorrow. When do you have time? I'll come pick it up.

Lu Heyang turned off his phone and rose to go to the central command room.

Two hours later, Lu Heyang returned to the office and saw that Xu Ze had replied, five minutes ago.

Xu Ze: Sorry, I was in the middle of an experiment and didn't check my phone.

Xu Ze: I have time tomorrow evening. If the Colonel is also free, could we have dinner together?

For Xu Ze to take the initiative in suggesting dinner — it must be more than just handing over the badge. Lu Heyang replied: I'm free. Please send me the restaurant address when the time comes.

Xu Ze: Alright.

The next evening, arriving half an hour earlier than the agreed time at the restaurant, Xu Ze confirmed the menu with the waiter, then went downstairs alone to wait for Lu Heyang at the door. After only five minutes or so, a black private car rounded the corner of the alley and drove in. As it passed, the window rolled down, and Lu Heyang in the driver's seat smiled at him: 'Standing outside in this cold.'

Xu Ze smiled faintly as well and said: 'It's alright.'

The waiter directed Lu Heyang to drive into the courtyard. It was a private kitchen restaurant, preserving the old-style architecture of the Capital City, hidden in a quiet alley — from the outside you could hardly tell it was a restaurant.

'It must be hard to get a reservation here.' Lu Heyang got out of the car and walked into the restaurant with Xu Ze.

'Mm, only twenty tables of guests a day.' Xu Ze said. 'It's run by a colleague from the neurology department's family. They helped me get a seat.'

Xu Ze thought of how, when he had asked that colleague yesterday, the other had said in surprise: 'I wouldn't even want to eat there myself. Are you meeting your in-laws or something? Going to such lengths.'

Hearing him say it was that formal, Xu Ze felt reassured instead.

Their seats were by a window on the second floor. Night fell quickly; outside was already a deep blue-black. Looking down, they could see the lit courtyard below, an artificial rock surrounding a pool of clear spring, a few fish of unknown species drifting slowly beneath the water.

The dishes were brought up one after another after they sat down. Xu Ze took off his down jacket; underneath was a grey sweater of some indeterminate material, its fine soft fibers blurring the contours of his body. Lu Heyang thought Xu Ze looked like a dandelion, or a tuft of feather grass.

'Are you attending some ceremony?' Once the dishes were all served, Xu Ze asked.

'Mm, regarding the Northern Theater ceasefire this time.' Lu Heyang said. 'Something like a victory banquet.'

Xu Ze nodded. He had opened the topic himself, yet didn't know how to continue, and could only say: 'Congratulations.'

'I should be congratulating you.' Lu Heyang smiled. 'I heard Doctor Xu is getting married.'

'...' Xu Ze was stunned, and instinctively asked: 'What?'

'He Wei said you proposed to Doctor Chi.'

'...' No. Regarding Chi Jiahán's private affairs, explaining was a little difficult, and not quite appropriate. Xu Ze said: 'No, it's not — nothing's been decided yet.'

The dish of greens to his front-left was fresh and verdant. Lu Heyang unhurriedly picked up a chopstickful: 'When it's decided, remember to let me know.'

Not having expected this matter to reach Lu Heyang's ears, Xu Ze completely lost the ability to respond, chopsticks frozen in his grip. Lu Heyang pushed the fish a little toward him and said: 'The fish is very good. Try it.'

Xu Ze, distracted, reached for the fish. Neither of them spoke again.

When they were nearly finished eating, Lu Heyang took a sip of tea and asked: 'Doctor Xu invited me here — it can't be just to give me the badge?'

'Mm.' Xu Ze took out the dark blue velvet box, wrapped tightly in shock-absorbent film, and set it on the table. He said: 'I'm leaving.'

Lu Heyang's gaze paused, then moved to Xu Ze's face.

'The New Year is almost here. After the New Year, I'm going to a Research Institute abroad, so I invited you to dinner today.'

There might not be another chance in the next few days. The day before yesterday, when the Joint Research Institute's announcement went up, teachers from the Military Medical University, lab group members, and leaders and colleagues from the hospital had all made dinner plans with Xu Ze one after another — so Xu Ze had put Lu Heyang first.

Not knowing whether Lu Heyang would think it was making a fuss to invite him to dinner specifically because of this, Xu Ze tried not to think about it.

It was clear that this time Xu Ze was returning the badge completely. Lu Heyang leaned back slightly and asked: 'How long will you be gone?'

'Probably until I finish my doctorate.' Xu Ze said. 'Whether I'll stay there after graduating isn't certain yet.'

'Which city is the Research Institute in, specifically?' Lu Heyang's index fingertip brushed lightly up and down against the cup wall, and he asked again.

'City S.'

'Less than five hours by plane.' Lu Heyang said.

'Yes.'

'Mm, that's good. I have something to give you too.'

Xu Ze watched Lu Heyang's hand, his expression gradually shifting from puzzlement to astonishment. His eyes widened slightly, and he watched, motionless, as Lu Heyang set the thing on the table.

A very small, very ordinary blue jewelry box, already very old, its surface a little wrinkled, with a faint white bloom — the trace of having been soaked in water.

Without preamble or backstory — how it had come to be here, how he knew who had sent it — Lu Heyang simply asked directly: 'Was it raining the day you gave this to me?'

Xu Ze was still motionless, as if dragged back to that rainy summer night years ago and made to walk through it again, soaked through, and then returned to this winter moment.

After a long while, he said: 'I thought it was long gone.'

'Almost.' Lu Heyang said. If he hadn't put it in the safe back then, it might really have been lost.

Opening the box, the Silver Pendant inside had lost its luster, dull and grey. Lu Heyang took the pendant out, turned it over a few times, and under Xu Ze's gaze, gradually changed its shape, until it became something else, laid flat in his palm.

It was a Ring — crooked, the clasps between them a little rough — made by seventeen-year-old Xu Ze.

He wondered whether the Lu Heyang of seven years ago had discovered this secret. When he had first changed the pendant into a ring not long ago, Lu Heyang had thought this.

The steam from the dishes was still rising between them. Xu Ze, unexpectedly, did not feel embarrassed or ashamed — only a little regretful. If only Lu Heyang could have discovered it was a ring before losing his memory.

He had put in so much effort to disguise this Ring as a pendant — daring to give it, not daring to say it, holding a thread of hope and worry, hoping Lu Heyang would discover it, yet afraid Lu Heyang really would. But no matter what, Xu Ze was grateful to his past self, who had run to deliver the birthday gift.

'If Doctor Xu is returning the badge to me, then I'll return this to you as well.' Lu Heyang placed the Ring back in the box, closed it, and pushed it to Xu Ze's side. 'A Ring is a very precious thing. I may not be able to keep it now.'

Xu Ze sensed faintly that there was another meaning in those words. Some thought flashed through him — he had no time to think it through — and asked: 'Then when can you keep it?'

Lu Heyang did not look at him, however. He poured half a cup of tea, smiled, and said: 'When you get divorced.'

This was not the real answer. Xu Ze realized.

Night had fallen completely, pervaded by the particular stillness of a winter night. The white breath of exhalation dispersed quickly. Xu Ze and Lu Heyang stood in the courtyard where the cars were parked. There was no wind tonight — dry and cold, the harbinger of heavy snow.

'Did you drive here?'

'Yes, my advisor's car. He's eating somewhere else. I'll go pick him up later.' Xu Ze said.

'Alright. Be careful on the road.'

Lu Heyang extended his hand toward Xu Ze, as he had the first time they met in the 195 Institute. Lu Heyang said: 'I wish Doctor Xu all the best.'

'Thank you. The same to you, Colonel.' Xu Ze took Lu Heyang's hand.

Palms touching and parting, the two got into their respective cars. Xu Ze did not move; through the car window he watched Lu Heyang's car, though he could see nothing.

Only after Lu Heyang's car drove off did Xu Ze start his own. Before releasing the brake, he touched the jewelry box in his pocket, thinking what the real answer might be.