Chapter 89: —

The next morning Xu Ze was off duty; he didn't arrive at 195 Hospital until the afternoon. After finishing his departmental work, he stood in the corridor in a daze for half a minute, then finally walked toward the elevator and pressed the button for the ninth floor, the Endocrine Department.

When he reached the ward, two Air Force personnel happened to be coming out. Guessing Lu Heyang might be busy, Xu Ze prepared to leave, but the guard called out to him, pushed open the door, and said: 'The colonel should be free now.'

'Thank you.'

Once inside, he realized that while Lu Heyang was indeed free, Lin Yumian was also there.

Xu Ze, who had once again arrived empty-handed, felt suddenly awkward — leaving would be wrong, staying would be wrong. Fortunately, Lu Heyang looked up at him just in time, a small smile at the corner of his mouth, and asked: 'Morning off?'

'Mm.' Xu Ze nodded.

Lin Yumian, seated in the single armchair, set down his newspaper, regarded Xu Ze for a few seconds, and smiled as he addressed him: 'Doctor Xu.'

Xu Ze's body tensed. He answered carefully: 'Hello.'

He had expected the next moment to face some version of a patient's family member's question — 'Is there something you needed, Doctor?' — but Lin Yumian simply stood, poured a glass of water, handed it to Xu Ze, and asked: 'Were you and Heyang classmates in high school, Doctor Xu?'

'No.' Xu Ze's mind was on high alert, though it did him no good. He said, 'Schoolmates.'

'Were you close?'

Xu Ze was stumped. This was clearly not a question to be answered with a simple 'good' or 'not good.' Gripping the water glass, he didn't dare look at Lu Heyang, afraid Lin Yumian might notice something amiss. After a stretch of silence, Xu Ze offered a guarded formulation: 'I suppose it was all right.'

'I see.' Amusement lingered in Lin Yumian's eyes. He asked again, 'Are you single now, Doctor Xu?'

'...Yes.'

'That's good.'

Xu Ze was startled.

'Dad.' Lu Heyang spoke.

'Ah, I have things to attend to. I'll head off first — you two talk.' Lin Yumian was still smiling. To Xu Ze he said, 'Doctor Xu, until next time.'

'Until next time.' Not knowing how else to respond, Xu Ze echoed the words.

After Lin Yumian left the ward, Xu Ze remained rooted in place. His only purpose had been to come see Lu Heyang. Now that he had seen him, what to do next, Xu Ze had not yet decided.

'There's already a guard at the door, Doctor Xu doesn't need to stand sentry here.' Lu Heyang slid the Military Headquarters documents into a folder. 'Sit down.'

'All right.' Xu Ze walked over to the single armchair Lin Yumian had occupied and sat down.

'Is there something you came to find me about?'

Unable to fabricate another reason, Xu Ze had no choice but to tell the truth: 'Nothing in particular. Just came to see you.'

'See what?' Lu Heyang tilted his head slightly and asked, earnest.

Xu Ze glanced at Lu Heyang briefly, then turned back to the coffee table, and clumsily changed the subject: 'When is the colonel being discharged?'

'In a few hours.'

'That soon.' Xu Ze couldn't help saying.

Lu Heyang propped his chin on his hand, in a thoroughly relaxed posture: 'Doctor Xu doesn't seem very happy about it.'

'No.' Xu Ze denied without conviction. After a pause, he added, 'After a strong Susceptibility Period, you should rest a few more days.'

'It's not as though I'll have to return to Base the moment I'm discharged. I'll probably have two or three days of leave. After that there's an assessment to confirm this Susceptibility Period hasn't affected my flight operations, and only then will I go back on missions.'

Xu Ze nodded and said 'all right,' then drank some water. He wished Lu Heyang safe and well, wished he never had to come to the hospital — but if he truly never came, Xu Ze might have no chance to see him at all.

'Nothing else you want to say to me?' Lu Heyang asked.

There was still a stack of documents on the coffee table waiting for Lu Heyang's review. Xu Ze naturally interpreted the question as a polite dismissal — nothing more to say, then you can go, I'm busy.

'Nothing else.' Having said this, Xu Ze tipped his head back and finished the rest of the water in his glass. He wasn't actually thirsty at all, but this glass of water had been poured by Lin Yumian.

Setting down the glass, Xu Ze stood: 'Then I won't disturb you further. Wishing the colonel... a pleasant leave.'

'This may be a bit presumptuous.' Lu Heyang tilted his head back, his tone sincere, 'But I would very much like to know — has Doctor Xu ever scored zero on reading comprehension?'

Xu Ze was briefly lost in thought. As for reading comprehension, he had only ever received a zero from Lu Heyang.

'Did I say something wrong?' Xu Ze asked softly.

'Mm. You did.'

Lu Heyang rose and walked over to Xu Ze. Xu Ze expected to hear the correct answer, but Lu Heyang said nothing — he simply drew close and kissed the corner of his mouth.

The fingers hanging at his side curled slightly. Xu Ze couldn't make sense of it — hadn't been able to since that kiss the night before. Lu Heyang was perfectly sober; why would he do this?

'Why the pensive face?' Lu Heyang brushed Xu Ze's cheek with his thumb. 'I'm the one who should be unable to figure this out.'

He pressed his lips to Xu Ze's twice. Xu Ze hesitated half a second, then opened his mouth. Their tongues met, and Xu Ze instinctively stepped back half a pace, his calf catching the sofa, his center of gravity tipping him downward — only to be pulled back by Lu Heyang's left arm around his waist.

Xu Ze's breathing came quick and ragged, his chin lifting to meet Lu Heyang's as they kissed deeply. They both had things they couldn't make sense of, and this conclusion allowed Xu Ze to set aside some of his reservations, returning to that familiar state of mind — cause and consequence didn't matter. Fate had generously given him another chance; perhaps only the chance of a kiss, but one to be treasured.

The afternoon sunlight outside the window came in, warming the back of Xu Ze's neck and his ears until they burned. When they parted, he felt the drowsy disorientation of waking from a dream, his head drooping to rest against Lu Heyang's shoulder as he breathed heavily.

Knock knock knock. A knock accompanied by a lazy voice: 'Colonel Lu, I'm coming in, all right?'

The words had barely fallen when the door was pushed open. The Alpha strode in noisily: 'Back in the Capital City and it's meetings without end, sick of it.'

Closing the door behind him, He Wei looked at Xu Ze, who was standing two meters from Lu Heyang, pressed against the tall potted plant in the corner: 'Oh, our little Ze is here too.'

Xu Ze, like the potted plant, was silent and still.

'If only I had a Susceptibility Period too.' He Wei walked over and tossed his service cap onto the sofa. 'I'd come stay here too, enjoy Doctor Xu's regular visits.'

After sitting down and looking up, he noticed Xu Ze had already put on a mask. He Wei felt a flicker of confusion: 'What's with this? Why aren't either of you talking? Standing so far apart — did you have a fight?'

'No. Doctor Xu wanted to study that tree.'

As Lu Heyang spoke, he picked up the glass on the coffee table and poured water. It took Xu Ze a few seconds to register, wanting to remind him that the glass was one he had used — but it was too late. Lu Heyang had already taken a sip.

'I think Doctor Xu wants a drink of water — why else would he keep staring at the one in your hand?' He Wei reached for a fresh glass. 'Has the colonel grown so used to being waited on that he doesn't know to pour Doctor Xu a glass?'

Lu Heyang turned to look at Xu Ze. The eyes exposed above Xu Ze's mask went wide and round. After a long moment he said: 'I'll be going now.'

Watching Xu Ze walk out of the ward, He Wei said, puzzled: 'I was about to pour him a drink — why'd he run off so fast?'

Lu Heyang said: 'Because the water was poisoned.'

He Wei, who had just drunk half a glass of water: ?

By the evening when Lu Heyang was discharged, Xu Ze's department was busy, and the two did not see each other again. After leaving 195 Hospital, Lu Heyang went directly with Lin Yumian to the Airport and flew out of the Capital City.

Eight hours of plane, three hours of car, half an hour of boat — Lu Heyang and Lin Yumian finally arrived at a Coastal Town at the southern end of the League. The warm sea breeze beneath the sun scattered the chill from the travelers' bodies. Lu Heyang took off his coat and embraced the Omega he had not seen in a long while.

'Why not rest a day before coming?' Lu Qingmo identified at a glance that Lu Heyang had lost some weight. 'Just out of the hospital and sitting on a plane that long.'

'Afraid there wouldn't be enough time. The leave is too short.' Lu Heyang smiled.

Lin Yumian took the baby from Han Inspector's arms — a very small one, only nine months old, neither crying nor fussing, dark eyes wide with curiosity as it studied these two unfamiliar faces.

'Teacher Qin, you have guests?'

Han Inspector turned his head and smiled at the neighbor: 'Yes, my wife's family came to visit.'

'Yunchuan's family? Oh my, how rare.'

Lu Qingmo tucks stray hair behind her ear and smiles: 'Yes.'

The Lu Qingmo and Han Inspector of the bustling Capital City have long since vanished; only Lin Yunchuan and Qin Yan live ordinary lives in this quiet little town.

Seven years ago, the amnesiac Lu Heyang left the country with Lin Yumian, while Lu Qingmo, after divorcing Wei Lingzhou, requested a month's leave from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Before the leave she finished all her outstanding work and handed it over to her colleagues; everyone assumed she was taking a break to recover from her brother's accident and the divorce, which seemed perfectly reasonable.

But on the second day of her leave, Lu Qingmo vanished from the Capital City entirely, and not a trace of her could be found anywhere in the League.

A few days later, a young Omega named Lin Yunchuan appeared in this town, rented a shopfront beside the old street, and spent a month fitting it out into a lovely bookshop.

The diplomat Lu Qingmo disappeared for three full years, while Lin Yunchuan the bookseller grew from a stranger into a familiar face among the locals — she brewed good coffee and pastries, scavenged old CDs to play in the shop, cheerfully polished the floor-to-ceiling display window each day, wore her hair in a plain ponytail, and always had a pair of Pearl Earrings on her ears.

Near the bookshop there was a middle school whose students liked to drop in after class or during holidays to read comics; recently Lu Qingmo had been hearing them chatter constantly about some new foreign-language teacher — his looks, his temperament, his flawless pronunciation. Around the same time, Lin Yumian sent Lu Qingmo a message telling her a gift was on its way.

Not long after, on an utterly ordinary morning, Lu Qingmo was polishing the window as usual when a man's gentle voice sounded behind her: 'Hello, do you sell study guides here?'

Lu Qingmo froze, dazed; gazing at the tall figure reflected in the window she had just cleaned, she turned around and finally understood what gift Lin Yumian had meant.

From the terrace on the second floor one could see the sea, and the tall lighthouse cast its bright beam out into the night sky.

'The day she was born, you could see the lighthouse from the hospital room too, so your niece's nickname is Tata.' Lu Qingmo said it while folding laundry. 'The last two times you came you were in such a rush, barely a few words before you were off again. This time the whole family can finally sit down for a meal together.'

When Lu Heyang graduated from university, Lin Yumian waited until Lu Qingmo's situation on this end was stable before giving him the address. Lu Heyang came in a hurry, met his sister and brother-in-law for a moment, and left without even finishing a glass of water.

The second meeting was much the same; the only difference was that time Lu Heyang managed two sips of water before leaving.

'We didn't get many chances to eat together as a family before, either.' Lu Heyang said.

Lu Qingmo looked at him in surprise: 'You remembered?'

'No. A guess.'

'If you can't remember, don't force it — don't put pressure on yourself.' Lu Qingmo said. 'There probably aren't that many happy memories to recall.'

Lu Heyang took a sip of his lemon water and smiled faintly: 'You were probably less happy than I was back then. Would you want to forget?'

Lu Qingmo said nothing. The bitterest and the best, more often than not, exist and arrive together; to forget them both would be unfair, and a shame.

Before she left, she had arranged in various ways to leave Han Inspector several million in funds and two properties; but Han Inspector did not touch a cent of it. Three years later, when he learned of her whereabouts, he gave up his chance at a promotion without a second thought, cast everything aside, and came to live this anonymous life with her.

Had she lost all her memories back then, the way Lu Heyang had, perhaps none of this would exist today.

'Do you remember what you said to me before you went abroad in your final year of high school?' Lu Qingmo set the folded laundry on the chair beside her. 'You said, “Jiejie, I hope you're free.” I didn't understand it then — you'd lost every memory, so why would you still say something like that?'

'Until one day I caught my own reflection in the mirror and realised, suddenly, that the face looking back was terrifying — like a dead person's — and then I understood why you'd said it.' Lu Qingmo gazed out at the distant sea. 'Seven years ago, when you were kidnapped and refused to call him for help, I thought you'd gone mad. Only later did I work out why you'd put yourself in such a dangerous position. You weren't trying to outlast him; you were simply choosing your own life. Even though it cost you some things, it should have been worth it, shouldn't it?'

Lu Heyang answered: 'Not necessarily.'

Three unexpected words. Lu Qingmo was still puzzled, about to ask something else, when Lin Yumian came over carrying Tata.

'Let jiujiu hold you for a moment.' He passed Tata to Lu Heyang.

Because jiujiu was so tall, Tata looked like a small Toy cradled in his arms — Lu Heyang's single palm could support her entirely. Tata pawed at Lu Heyang's shirt, opened her mouth to reveal a row of tiny milk teeth not yet fully grown, babbled a few syllables, then called out 'Baba' to Lu Heyang.

'Baba.' Tata drew the word out, indistinct. 'Ba—ba—'

'It's jiujiu.' Lu Qingmo corrected her. 'Call him jiujiu.'

Tata was very insistent: 'Baba—'

Her real father had just finished clearing the table and came out. Han Inspector picked up the stack of laundry Lu Qingmo had just folded and smiled: 'If the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes in the morning is Mama, she'll spend the whole day calling for Mama. Today it happened to be me who lifted her out of bed, so right now she's only calling for Baba.'

Lu Heyang looked down at Tata and held out his other hand; Tata immediately grabbed his thumb and little finger, pulled his palm over her face, then pushed it away again and let out a wide-eyed 'Wah!'

After a night's rest, the next day at noon, Lu Heyang and Lin Yumian said goodbye to Lu Qingmo's family and set off on the return journey. They parted ways at the Airport — Lin Yumian flying abroad, Lu Heyang back to the Capital City.

'I know — you want to see Jiang Wen to ask him about the past. These years you've been on the battlefield, so take this trip back to the Capital City to find the answers you're looking for.' Lin Yumian said. 'After what happened to you, I've thought it over many times — wondering whether it was irresponsible of me to always let you handle things and make decisions on your own. If I'd cared a little more back then, asked you a little more, would the outcome have been different?'

'Maybe.' Lu Heyang smiled faintly. 'But probably no better than how things are now.'

When you added it all up, that was indeed how it stood: only Lu Heyang had been hurt, had lost his memory; everyone else had been freed, had come out unscathed — a trade that, within Lu Heyang's calculations, had paid off a hundredfold.

'I still feel regret.' Lin Yumian sighed. 'I didn't fulfil my responsibility.'

'Then the next project can invest in a time machine — go back and change the future.'

Lin Yumian laughed: 'How childish of you, Colonel.'

He landed in the Capital City in the small hours. Lu Heyang had told Song Yuke in advance not to send anyone to meet him. Outside the Airport terminal it was wide and quiet; Lu Heyang walked to the kerb and smiled at the Alpha waiting by a jeep: 'Uncle Wen.'

'Colonel.' No warm pleasantries, but no awkwardness either. Jiang Wen pulled open the passenger door. 'Get in.'

'Do you have a place to stay when you're back?'

Jiang Wen started the car: 'Yes, near the Adult Education Center.'

'Come to mine for a drink.' Lu Heyang pulled up the navigation. 'Have we ever drunk together?'

'No.'

'Then I must have been a good student back in the day.'

Jiang Wen smiled slightly: 'Maybe.'

Lu Heyang had only been to this home once before, right after first returning to the Capital City — Lin Yumian had bought it for him long ago, a Lingjiang Apartment, so large it felt a little cold and empty.

Lu Heyang took two bottles from the cabinet, carried them to the sofa, opened one and poured a measure into a decanter. Jiang Wen stood by the floor-to-ceiling window; not far off the river glittered, a bustling city that never slept.

The heating soon took effect; Lu Heyang shrugged off his coat and poured the wine into glasses. Jiang Wen turned, walked over and sat on the sofa. Without a word between them, they raised their glasses, clinked, and drank to the last drop.

After five glasses in unbroken silence, Jiang Wen spoke: 'It's been so long — why the sudden need to know?'

'From the moment I entered the Military Academy, everyone I met was new, everything I thought about was new — training, exams, war, command. It seemed as though not remembering the past didn't really matter.' Lu Heyang opened the second bottle. 'Coming back this time, I ran into certain people, and the feeling of reaching for a memory and finding only blank space isn't pleasant.'

Jiang Wen raised his glass and clinked it against Lu Heyang's: 'What people — do you mean Xu Ze?'

Lu Heyang lifted his eyes, then took a sip of wine.

'He seems to feel guilty around me.' Lu Heyang set his glass down. 'Father walked me through the kidnapping — on the surface it looked like nothing more than political struggle. But I think what Father knows may not be the whole truth.'

'Guilty? You're talking about Xu Ze?' Jiang Wen topped Lu Heyang's glass halfway. 'Of course he'd feel guilty. The kidnapping — you'd foreseen it and planned for it in advance, but from his point of view, you ran into trouble on the way to find him. He'd definitely feel guilty.'

A detail no one had ever mentioned. Lu Heyang stayed perfectly still: 'Is that so.'

'Yes.'

Jiang Wen drained his glass in one go, took out his Mobile Phone, unlocked it, and set it in front of Lu Heyang. The screen showed a file interface; four audio recordings were listed top to bottom. Jiang Wen tapped the first.

'Happy birthday.'

The second: 'Happy birthday.'

The third: 'Happy birthday.'

The fourth: 'Happy birthday.'

Four different years, the same date, the same 'Happy birthday.' And in that very first 'Happy birthday,' the voice still carried a trace of an immaturity not quite grown out of.

A flat tone — no joy of well-wishing, no expectation of a reply; each recording's background was quiet, with only the faint hiss of current. As though there might have been more to say than just 'Happy birthday,' other words waiting on the tip of the tongue, but in the end nothing more was spoken.

'The Bug Detector — you gave him one, back then.' Jiang Wen leaned back against the sofa. 'He must have kept it all this time, but after the fourth year the recordings stopped coming through. Probably broken.'

If it hadn't broken, there would have been a full seven 'Happy birthdays.'