Chapter 47: plaything, prop, moral high ground.

Hanging up the phone, 061 asked him, "...... going to check it out."

Xiaochi Chi : "Of course."

Even if there are more doubts, the identity of this "brother-in-law" has been verified by Ge Dong's mother herself, so there should not be any mistake.

Half an hour later, Xiaochi Chi, wrapped in a long, solid black down jacket, sat by the half-frozen ornamental pool in front of the gymnasium, waiting for the arrival of the unnamed uncle.

Ge Dong's hair, which has not been cut for a long time, is shoulder-length and simply tied at the back of her head with a black hair band.

Xiaochi Chi had nothing else to do, and dissolved the hair ring, pulled a small pill head.

This is the hairstyle that Sifan Lou used to do for Ge Dong.

Ge Dong doesn't like to cut his hair, so Sifan Lou would come to his dormitory before the game and give him a pill haircut so that it wouldn't affect the game.

From the age of 19 to 24, he and Sifan Lou were in an underground relationship for five years.

During this time, Ge Dong felt happy, but occasionally discontented.

Apart from Changsheng He, who is always, if ever, between them, he has another thing on his mind.

-- Ge Dong actually doesn't like to be down there.

But every time I mentioned it to Sifan Lou, Sifan Lou would smile and say, "Well, next time, I'll let you go next time.

The tone of voice is completely to coax him as a child, and the so-called "next time" in the end when to come, God knows.

Ge Dong mentioned it a few times and then stopped talking about it.

He excused himself and said, "Forget it, it hurts anyway, Sifan Lou may not be able to bear the pain.

However, over time, Ge Dong's mindset slowly changed.

He always suspected that he was too sensitive, but Sifan Lou and Changsheng He's "friendship" was so long-lasting that even after Sifan Lou and he were secretly together, most of the time, Sifan Lou would still go out with Changsheng He.

Ge Dong always follows Sifan Lou like a little follower, staring at Changsheng He.

Why doesn't he know how to avoid suspicion?

Doesn't he have any other friends? Why does he have to hog Lou's time?

However, their manners were not out of line in any way, and they were truly a pair of good friends who respected each other, and Ge Dong couldn't find a single point of attack even if he wanted to.

What makes Ge Dong's life even more unbearable is that Sifan Lou always compares him with Changsheng He, comparing him with nothing else but the skating skills that mean so much to Ge Dong, and finally concludes that you are not as good as Sheng Zhang and have to work harder.

Changsheng He is like a needle wedged in Ge Dong's flesh, making him sting from time to time.

Later on, even without Sifan Lou's mentioning, Ge Dong would unconsciously take Changsheng He as the object of comparison and competition.

One is a pairs skater and the other is a singles skater, and there is no conflict between their professions, but Ge Dong just can't help but want to compare them with Changsheng He.

This negativity is fostered in a petri dish created by Sifan Lou's own hands.

Ge Dong grew to hate Changsheng He. And this emotion reached its peak one day.

It was a weekend.

As usual, Sifan Lou went to Changsheng He's practice room to practice and chat with him, and Ge Dong also followed Sifan Lou as usual.

Since yesterday, Sifan Lou has been in an inexplicably bad mood and hasn't even eaten a few bites in the morning.

Ge Dong was afraid that he would not have enough heat, so he got up after skating for a while, skated to the vending machine and bought a can of hot coffee, afraid that the coffee would be cold, so he held it in his hand and skated back quickly.

Just walking to the side of the field, he saw Sifan Lou's face darkened for the first time to Changsheng He, putting up a questioning stance: "I came to see you yesterday, who was the man you were with?"

Ge Dong stopped and listened carefully.

Changsheng He attitude is very light: "a friend introduced, with him to eat a meal only."

Sifan Lou followed up with, "Just dinner?"

Changsheng He said calmly: "I have not been in love for so many years, try dating. It's just a place to be, it's not like we have to be together. ...... What are you so nervous about?"

Sifan Lou collected his emotions and smiled gently, but the smile looked stiff: "I don't feel comfortable without me as a gatekeeper."

He asked again, "If it's a date, why do you need a man?"

Changsheng He glanced at him, "You're discriminating against gays."

Sifan Lou said, "...... I didn't. I just didn't think you were too ......"

Changsheng He : "......'also'?"

Sifan Lou: "There are two or three pairs I know of on our team. It's not uncommon."

Changsheng He : "Oh."

Sifan Lou paused and asked tentatively, "Would you rather be up there or down there?"

Changsheng He : "...... eight characters have not yet moved, you are planning for me in the long run."

As a long-time friend, this question is not offensive to Changsheng He.

Changsheng He's perennial iceberg face surfaced a little smile: "I have not thought about it, and do not intend to try easily. May prefer to be on top, if enough like, in the bottom is not bad."

Sifan Lou said, "If you're good with someone else, it's better to be on top."

Changsheng He said, "Why?"

Sifan Lou said in a joking tone, "It's embarrassing to be down there, and it hurts. Even if you want to be down there, you have to find someone who can hurt."

The coffee Ge Dong was holding seemed to turn into a branding iron and was stuck to his hand, which made him shiver all over.

...... "How humiliating it is to be down there."

...... "It still hurts."

He turned out to be aware of it.

Ge Dong suddenly felt that he was a fool for taking that pain as happiness.

He had a fight with Sifan Lou because of this incident.

After learning the reason for his anger, Sifan Lou patiently coaxed him and admitted his fault, saying that he was just saying it casually, not seriously, and that he could not let Ge Dong have a go, as an apology.

Although they finally made up, jealousy and a sense of crisis had crept into Ge Dong's heart.

He grew up being blamed by his parents, so much so that there is a deep-rooted notion imprinted in his mind.

-- Not likeable because you are not good enough.

If you are good enough, then someone will like it.

Even at a young age, Ge Dong has already won numerous Grand Prix titles at home and abroad and set domestic records, but he still feels that it is not enough.

Shortly after this, Ge Dong had a major international event.

During his preparation for the competition, something happened: Sifan Lou took him to play with Changsheng He.

Since our last conversation, Sifan Lou has been going to Changsheng He more often, and he has good reasons for doing so.

Sifan Lou gently said to Ge Dong, " Sheng Zhang he is good at choreography, let him as a senior give you more guidance, your performance will be greatly improved."

During this practice, Changsheng He played a 4T+3A jump on the spur of the moment.

Because it was just a practice, Changsheng He completed this set of single difficult moves quite easily.

Sifan Lou was also very supportive, laughing, " Sheng Zhang, you can break the Asian record with this set of moves."

Changsheng He said, "Don't talk nonsense. It's okay to dance in private, but I don't necessarily play so well in the field."

Sifan Lou smiled and turned to Ge Dong and said, "Look at your senior He, you have to learn well, you know."

Ge Dong, sitting on the sidelines, tied the laces of his skates with his head down: "...... Well, I know."

A few days later, when the coach discussed tactics with him, Ge Dong didn't hesitate: "4lz+3T."

The coach advised him not to take the risk. Although Ge Dong's jumping level is already among the first class, the movement is too difficult.

Ge Dong said stubbornly, "I can do it."

If he Changsheng He can do it, he must be able to do it himself.

...... was a decision that Ge Dong will regret for the rest of his life.

As Changsheng He said, playing in the field and playing in private are two different things.

Under the pressure of the away game and the atmosphere of the competition, Ge Dong held his own and completed the most difficult 4lz move perfectly.

The problem lies in the second action.

As he landed without control, his weight was lost, the ice blade was skewed and he fell heavily on the ice.

Ge Dong's coach sighed and lamented that he was probably going to lose the trophy this time.

But soon, he realized something was wrong.

Ge Dong was lying on the ice, letting the accompanying music play on, and couldn't even get up.

He exclaimed, signaled to the referee team and then rushed into the field.

Ge Dong shivered in pain, curled into a ball, hot sweat blending into the ice drop by drop, and murmured, "...... my foot, my foot."

......'s final diagnosis was a severe tear of the Achilles tendon.

The coach reassured him, it's okay, take a year off, regroup, practice this line, which body does not have some injuries.

But Ge Dong saw a strong sense of regret in the coach's eyes.

This regret crushed Ge Dong.

Over the next few days, he refused to talk to anyone who came to visit him, even Sifan Lou.

Faced with Ge Dong's cold face, Sifan Lou said especially gently, "I know you are not feeling well. If you don't want to see me, I will come back in two days."

Perhaps because he is extra sensitive to injuries, Ge Dong realized many details that he had not noticed before during his time with Sifan Lou.

-- Sifan Lou is too gentle.

He is so gentle, almost false, as if he can tolerate all of Ge Dong's bad character, willfulness, pride, and silence.

Ge Dong used to believe that gentleness is an extremely beautiful character.

He never gets angry with Ge Dong, does not accuse Ge Dong of his faults, does not quarrel with him, he is a perfect lover.

However, when you think about it, the lovers who don't quarrel, don't get jealous, don't have temper tantrums, are really lovers.

Even at this point, Sifan Lou still reassures him in a nonchalant, unhurried manner, almost as if she were gently pushing him away indifferently and drawing a "we don't know each other" line between them.

Three days after Ge Dong was admitted to the hospital, Changsheng He, who had just finished his own competition, came to see him.

Changsheng He's tone was one of discontent: "Why did you get yourself into this mess?"

Ge Dong looked at him and asked in a dumb voice, "Where is Brother Lou, he didn't come with you?"

Changsheng He was cold, and sounded really angry: "Can he stay with you all the time? Think about what you should do for yourself."

Hearing these words, Ge Dong was suddenly filled with aggression and sourness.

He whispered, "He can."

After saying these two words, he asked himself again, "...... can he."

Changsheng He wrinkled up two beautiful willow brows: "Hmm?"

That was the first time Ge Dong opened up his heart and talked so much to Changsheng He.

He talked about his love for Sifan Lou and confessed his jealousy of Changsheng He. At the end, he could not suppress his emotions and sobbed softly as he twisted the corner of the blanket.

...... I'm jealous, I'm guilty, I'm impulsive, but am I really so guilty?

Changsheng He looked a little unusual after hearing this, "Is that so? ...... He didn't tell me that."

Ge Dong didn't respond for a moment: "...... what?"

Changsheng He said, "I always thought of him as a friend, and I also thought you were a stepchild in his care."

He asked again, "When did you guys start? Lou never mentioned it to me, you and he ......"

Ge Dong froze in place.

...... was not mentioned.

What do you mean by "never mentioned"?

Isn't Changsheng He a good friend of Lou's?

Lou won't let Ge Dong announce their relationship, well, Ge Dong doesn't say or do anything, not even any intimate demeanor with Sifan Lou outside.

After all, in this social context, homosexuality is still a niche and cannot be exposed to the sunlight to talk freely.

Ge Dong is introverted and not a person who wants to show his love in front of others.

But he always thought Changsheng He was aware of it.

If Sifan Lou didn't mention it, what are his five years?

If he hadn't mentioned it, why would he be cynical about Changsheng He, who knows nothing about it?

Seeing that Ge Dong didn't answer, Changsheng He exhaled a breath and simply said, "I know. I will keep my distance from Lou in the future, I hope you don't mind."

Changsheng He left, leaving Ge Dong alone in the ward.

About half an hour later, Sifan Lou's phone call came in.

Ge Dong picked up the phone with difficulty.

The phone is still the one Ge Dong went over the wall to buy back then, the quality is very good, Ge Dong also misses the old, has been used to the present.

Sifan Lou's phone number was once the first and only number inside.

He picked up the phone, "Hello."

The person on the other end was furious: "Why did you say that to him? Didn't I tell you not to say that? Are you going to ruin me?"

Ge Dong paused: "...... Who are you?"

For a while, Ge Dong failed to hear whose voice it was.

Next, Sifan Lou said a lot of words, as if he had concentrated five years of unexpressed anger in this hour, and turned them into transparent bullets, hitting Ge Dong head-on.

On the phone, Sifan Lou said with real emotion and heartache: "You should thank Sheng Zhang, who was bullied as a child and has a psychological shadow, so I protect you for him. What about you? I helped you and took care of you when you were little, and this is how you repay me?"

Ge Dong always thought that Sifan Lou just didn't like him enough.

But he didn't realize that Sifan Lou didn't even think of him as a person, but rather as a useful prop.

--When he was little, he was a poor doll that he used to please Changsheng He and show his kind and compassionate heart.

--Growing up, he is a good and free inflatable-doll.

According to Sifan Lou's accusation, Ge Dong has indeed ruined Sifan Lou and his "friendship" that he had carefully maintained for so many years.

Sifan Lou is so fond of Changsheng He that she tries to please him in every way possible.

As a result of emotional projection, Changsheng He notices Ge Dong, who is being bullied, and Sifan Lou begins to follow him.

He was just trying to be a good brother and take good care of Ge Dong, his "little brother", but he didn't expect to get drunk that night and let him ride a tiger in a daze.

It was Ge Dong who made Sifan Lou make such a difficult choice, and it was Ge Dong who forced him to make a choice between morality and Changsheng He.

For the sake of "responsibility", he "made a sacrifice" to stay with Ge Dong and "make up for his faults".

He also knows that this "can not give Ge Dong happiness", but does not want to do Chen Shimei, want to break up but can not, can only keep through "kind reminders", let him know how good Changsheng He, signaling him to know the difficulties and retreat.

Only a stupid person like Ge Dong would know how to go in and not back out.

Hearing his righteous accusation, Ge Dong couldn't even get angry anymore.

He lay back on the bed, his tone so calm that he surprised himself: "If you didn't like me, why didn't you say so earlier."

Sifan Lou on the other side of the phone said, "Haven't I been reminding you?"

Then he said, full of pain, "I've already taken responsibility for you, isn't that enough? You should also consider my feelings."

Ge Dong said weakly: "But you are so good to me ...... you keep praising me, saying I am good here and there ......"

Is it possible that even these are fake?

Sifan Lou said, "I did say that, but it was just a common compliment, and you think too much about it. Think about it, have I ever said 'I love you' to you from the beginning to the end?"

Ge Dong was silent.

After a moment, he said softly, "Okay. I got it."

He politely hung up the phone.

From the age of 11 to now, the whole 12 years of expectation and admiration were turned into a dream in one hour.

12 years, for Ge Dong, is half a lifetime.

Now that the talk is out of the way, Ge Dong has no intention of begging to get back together.

He's not that cheap. If you have no heart, I will rest.

He consoled himself in this way, lying on his pillow, large drops of tears dampening the pillowcase to a dark color.

...... why it hurts so much.

...... didn't even hurt this much when I tore my Achilles tendon.

Ge Dong couldn't breathe from the pain and tugged at the chest of the hospital gown, murmuring to comfort herself.

...... It's okay, it's okay, without him, I still have my skates.

After a year, Ge Dong is back on the ice after suffering from severe anxiety.

But the after-effects of a severely torn Achilles tendon and a mind that was no longer composed made it impossible for him to find the form he had at this point last year.

He jumped six moves in a row, all of which failed.

He knelt on the ice and howled like a child.

The players who had laughed at his arrogance were moved, but not Sifan Lou in the group.

...... He didn't even look at Ge Dong again.

Six months later, Ge Dong, who lived in a psychiatric clinic, found a piece of his ice field in the confusion, stepped on the thin ice and fell into the ornamental lake.

Xiaochi Chi pulls himself out of the memory of the moment before Ge Dong's death and looks back at the ornamental pool behind him.

The ornamental lake in which Ge Dong was buried, like the pool, was not very deep, and if Ge Dong still had a little desire to live at that time, he would only need to put a little strength into his legs and stand up.

He dissolved the tied pill head, a fluffy ebony hair was blown up by the wind, his hair was black and set off his skin more snow white, making him look like a little girl.

Xiaochi Chi wiped his face and said seriously, "Holy shit."

061 extremely agree: "Well."

Just then, a pair of leather shoes came into Xiaochi Chi's field of vision.

Someone asked softly, " Ge Dong? Is that you?"

Xiaochi Chi gets into shape in seconds.

He looked up, his gaze the same as Ge Dong's when he was a child, melancholy and alert.

The person in front of you is a good-looking young man, born very pretty, red lips and phoenix eyes, but there is a unique clean and elegant, look at the heart of people comfortable.

Noticing Ge Dong's inquiring eyes, the visitor extended his palm and said courteously, "My name is Feihong Dong. If you don't mind, you can call me Little Uncle."