Chapter 158: Hard to say the words

Qingcheng Xie doesn't know how he slept through it.

If it was before, the mind is so chaotic, the experience is so messy, he can not sleep in any case.

But his body was deteriorating, and he had just undergone RN-13 treatment that was a thousand times more painful than chemotherapy, so he was really weak, and after calming down on the couch for a while, he really felt exhausted.

He didn't want to sleep, he felt he needed to quiet his mind, to think about what was the reason for the increasingly obvious inner fluttering he felt when he faced Yu He.

He looked at the closed door of Yu He's room.

He was outside the door, Yu He was inside the door, and the door never opened again ......

The more Qingcheng Xie thought about it, the more he couldn't understand, he thought about what had just happened, especially the last Yu He kind of suppressed choking sound, he actually inside more and more difficult to feel.

Finally, he cursed himself, fell back to the sofa in despair, his gaze to the blank ceiling, gradually lax.

Qingcheng Xie, who was tired and in pain, finally fell asleep and had a dream.

He dreamed he was trapped in a tattered Muppet bear, standing in front of the Ferris wheel at an amusement park, as if waiting for someone.

Not knowing who he was waiting for, he just stood awkwardly and brokenly with a handful of hydrogen balloons from the amusement park in his hand.

The Ferris wheel was slowly spinning, neon lights changing, and the tourists who had finished the ride were laughing and talking as they walked down, without anyone paying attention to the corner where he was standing.

Visitors come in groups.

They laughed so happily, so contentedly, that the raggedy bear and his toy balloon were superfluous to them. So they couldn't see him.

After a while, Qingcheng Xie realized that he seemed to be waiting for someone who needed him and wanted to take the balloon from his hand.

But he seems to be in what magic, can not speak, and can not be treated with their true faces, can only stand like this, wait ...... wait ......

Qingcheng Xie suddenly realized that it was his own parents, and he tried to move his body to go over.

But his father beckoned and gathered a white horse carriage from Paradise, and Muying Zhou went with him, and the two were gradually carried out of sight by the white horse.

Qingcheng Xie stops blankly.

He knew that they were gone and could never go back.

The second person to walk down from the Ferris wheel was Ciyan Qin.

Qin Lao was alone, wearing the white coat he had worn all his life, smiling and looking left and right. Qingcheng Xie tried to get him to stop, but suddenly a child came running in the distance - a six- or seven-year-old boy holding a cone - and he tilted his head and yelled something at Qin Lao, but Qingcheng Xie couldn't hear him. Qingcheng Xie couldn't hear him.

But he already knew who that child was.

Qin Lao reached out his hand and held the little boy's palm. The man and the boy were fading away in the colorful lights of the paradise and they looked happy.

It is a happiness that was not available in life.

Only Qingcheng Xie remained in place.

It was already dark.

The third person to come down was Xue Xie , Xue Xie bounced and jumped, and her figure changed from a little girl of five or six years old as she ran from far away to near.

Xue Xie froze for a moment as she passed him, staring at the rag doll as if she thought he looked familiar. After a few seconds, she walked up to him, smiled, and just wanted to speak -

In the distance, however, there was suddenly a man calling her name.

Qingcheng Xie could not see the person's appearance, but he knew it was a man, the one Xue Xie would eventually spend the rest of his life with.

Xue Xie heard the man's voice, turned his head and thought, he is not a child after all, toy dolls or colorful balloons, they should no longer belong to her.

She then smiled at him one last time, waved with her favorite childhood Muppet Bear toy, stepped on her little white heels and walked briskly towards her bright future.

The day, completely dark.

On the Ferris wheel, one after another, many more people came down.

colored balloons.

The amusement park is about to close and the crowd is dispersing one by one.

He stood alone in the mood, blinking slowly in the bear puppet, he was gradually going to close his eyes, gradually going to let go, and let those balloons that could no longer give anyone a boost flutter back to the sky ......

However -

"Thank you doctor."

"Thank you doctor."

He heard someone calling him.

He blurred his eyes open and there was no one in his field of vision.

"Look at me, I'm here."

He lowered his head and saw a neatly groomed and beautiful little child, seven or eight years old, looking up at him.

That was actually the first time he saw Yu He ......

"Dr. Xie, why don't you go home?"

"......" He couldn't answer, he was in the mannequin, in the magic.

And even if he could answer, what should he say?

He doesn't have a home anymore.

"By the way, Dr. Xie ......" Little Yu He held out his hand, he was holding up a small noodle in the shape of a dragon, "This is something I made at the playground today... ...for you ......"

He put the little dragon face man in the pocket of the Qingcheng Xie doll suit.

The child laughed up, "Can you compliment me?"

"Can you give me a hug?"

"......"

Can you give me a hug ......

That seemed to be what he had heard Yu He say countless times.

Sad, impulsive, sappy, earnest, pleading, desperate -

Yu He's voice.

Over and over again to him.

This is a lonely child, stubbornly begging for a little response from him.

Can you give me a hug? Qingcheng Xie?

Just like when I held you.

The child has been waiting and waiting ......

But Qingcheng Xie can't move, Qingcheng Xie in the bear puppet, can neither speak, nor bend down to give him any reaction.

Yu He looked into his eyes and slowly, from anticipation, changed to bewilderment, from bewilderment, changed to confusion, from confusion, changed to disappointment ......

He just looked at Qingcheng Xie in silence, lost in thought.

And then - his body gradually became transparent - and he was going to - he was going to disappear as well.

He's going to disappear too ......

Qingcheng Xie's heart suddenly felt very uncomfortable, in the dream, he actually tried to break free of the magic, he wanted to give him the colored ball in his hand, he wanted to ask him, can you see me? Do you know I'm in there? He wanted to reach out his hand--

Suddenly.

The surrounding area seemed to become white all of a sudden, colored lights, Ferris wheel, floats parading down the brick and stone streets, everything faded and became a scene like in a colored pencil painting.

Qingcheng Xie's eyes widened.

A man hugged him from behind.

He did not turn around, but his heart had gone from calm, gradually fast to catch up with his body's reaction, and there was a great tremor within his chest, and he could feel the familiar body heat and taste ......

The Yu He of his childhood disappeared before his eyes, and the Yu He of his adulthood embraced him behind him.

Qingcheng Xie could feel his hot tears flowing down and falling on his shoulder ...... ragged Muppet bear was hugged tightly by the tall, handsome youth, Yu He fell into tears and whispered, "I know you're in there. Don't you go."

"I also need a Muppet bear."

"I still want the colored ball in your hand ......"

" Qingcheng Xie , give me all your balloons and dolls. Okay?"

"You ...... turn around and give me a hug, OK ......"

That moment.

At that moment, Qingcheng Xie's heart felt like the heaviest and heaviest impact, which destroyed the magic binding him and broke the shackles that prevented him from moving himself.

The broken bear puppet turned around awkwardly, chocolate bean eyes looked at him silently for a long time--

Then it stretched out the worn out, who no longer need to rely on the arms, slowly ...... slowly raised ...... eventually, it embraced the youth who stood in front of him wiping his tears ......

"Don't cry."

The raspy voice was finally able to unseal itself from the Muppet and, with difficulty, flowed out of his voice, which had been unable to pronounce it for so long.

"Don't cry, Yu He ......"

"No more crying ......"

Withered lips murmured, eyelids rolled - Qingcheng Xie woke up suddenly from his dream.

His eyes were still lax, the afterglow of the dream had not yet subsided.

He lifted his hand, trembling, and gently touched his eyelids.

He is ......

What did you dream about?

The earthquake of the heart is still going on, rippling through the limbs, and even the fingertips can't calm down.

He wiped his eyes incredulously - hot and wet.

It is true that there were tears shed.

"......" Qingcheng Xie lay woodenly on the sofa, his chest rising and falling more sharply than usual, he still had those neon lights in his eyes, as if the ethereal songs of the playground were still in his ears.

He didn't want to believe what he dreamed, didn't want to believe the response and vulnerability of his dreams.

He was more reluctant to believe the feelings he was showing at that moment ......

He is really responsive to Yu He.

He slumped on the sofa in a daze, with no strength at all, the knot in his throat rolling intermittently, his eyes wide open in a dazed way, thinking about it all.

When I think of the last hug in my dream, I still tremble inside.

Qingcheng Xie took a long time to collect himself, he wiped away the thin wetness at the end of his eyes and raised his hand to look at his wristwatch - it was already more than two in the morning, I wonder if Yu He had left?

He turned his head to look at the study door, which was still closed.

Qingcheng Xie calmed down again, rustled up, and just walked to the study door to knock on it, when he heard the kitchen door open - Yu He turned out to be in the kitchen.

"You're awake?" Yu He seems to be still embarrassed by what happened between them before going to bed, and for a moment did not want to look directly at Qingcheng Xie, but flexed his hand to cover up a cough and whispered, "That, I cooked a snack, you have not eaten tonight, right? I was going to wake you up later. It will be ready soon ...... you wait for me for another five minutes."

Although Yu He did not want Qingcheng Xie to enter the kitchen and wanted to bring the dishes out directly, Qingcheng Xie went in anyway.

A casserole stewed on the stove top over a low flame, gurgling and steaming, with a smell that is by no means unfamiliar to old Huzhou people.

Qingcheng Xie walked over and saw Yu He's cell phone still sitting in front of the stove.

The young master is not very good at cooking, this is what he learned from the online recipes now. The screen also shows the title of the recipe, the title is very cheesy and straightforward -

Make a pot of soup for your baby.

Qingcheng Xie took his eyes off the title, hiding from something.

He took the insulated wet towel and removed the lid from the casserole, and the hot air inside came out, blurring the lines of his rigid face.

The stew in the pot was indeed marinated duck.

Qingcheng Xie loved this dish, Aunt Li would make it and so would he, but it was never as good as the one his mother made when she was alive.

The dish is typically southern in nature, requiring tender bamboo shoots, ham hocks and a thousand knots, but it also requires the invisible ingredient of patience.

The ardent sound of the soup is taken from the slow simmering of the soup. During the long and patient stewing process, the freshness of bamboo shoots, the saltiness of ham, and the freshness of pork ribs are all transformed into the essence of the pot and cooked through to the thousand Zhang knots of all flavors.

Yu He so thick skin, this time also some can not stand, he wants to drive Qingcheng Xie out again: "You do not stand here, you stand here I can not play, you, you go out first."

"........."

--

"Don't stand in the kitchen, you're distracting me, get out." That's what Muying Zhou used to say to Qingcheng Xie.

Yu He is just like her in this respect.

Qingcheng Xie wanted to say something, and finally did not say, he went out.

As he sat in the living room waiting, he kept thinking about his dream, and all that had happened before.

He knew that Yu He had torn out a heart and was giving it to himself.

He had never seen such passionate love before, so at first he only took it as a teenage spur-of-the-moment obsession. Not really.

He was like the king who could not recognize Heshibi, and Yu He was the one who had been wronged by him. Yu He proved his heart was true once and for all, he said to Qingcheng Xie, "You are irreplaceable, if you think I love you is wrong, I can be wrong for the rest of my life, and on the day I die, I can prove that I am the right one.

He said, every day that I live, I will be with you, every hour, every minute, every second. I'm loving you, I'm protecting you, I'm there for you.

Qingcheng Xie is not hard-hearted, and it is false to say that he is not touched. But what he can't break free from is actually Yu He's need for him.

Qingcheng Xie is always a macho man, and the thing he does most often, the thing he is most used to doing, is to take care of others. As if that is the meaning of his existence.

Qingcheng Xie thought carefully, if one day, he is no longer there, then everyone around, how will they live on?

He knew that Aunt Lai, Man Chen , Xue Xie ...... they must be very sad, but he also believed that they could support each other and slowly come out from that sadness.

They have many bridges between them and society, and the loss of their own one is certainly painful, but it will not be impossible to walk.

Then he thought of Yu He.

If he was gone, would Yu He still be in the kitchen making soup? Would he still be looking at a recipe, guarding a fire, making a serious meal?

If he were gone, would Yu He still be looking for someone to talk to, trying to see a doctor, restraining himself as much as possible from being consumed by his demons, would he still be following another person, talking to them about the trivial things that happened today, and then seeking a hug from that person?

Qingcheng Xie knows that it is very difficult.

Yu He is too stubborn.

He can break his head, can jade, can fall into madness, but only do not know to turn back.

Even if he knows that a road is a dead end and black, as long as he steps on it, he has to keep moving forward.

Qingcheng Xie closes his eyes.

He didn't expect that in the end, the person who left him with a life he couldn't predict, the one he couldn't worry about, would be Yu He.

"It's cooked, try it!"

Yu He came out of the kitchen and brought a large, steaming bowl and placed it in front of Qingcheng Xie.

"I'm smart, it should taste good."

Qingcheng Xie a look, that is not marinated Dukes of Hock.

It was a bowl of noodles with creamy white soup, smooth and delicate noodles, topped with tender green Shanghai green boiled in scalding water, a golden egg of coiled lotus seeds, fried and fragrant meat foam and mushroom topping over the noodles in soup, and finally a few thousand Zhang knots cooked into the fresh taste and sprinkled with a handful of white sesame seeds.

The essence of the marinated pork is the soup and the thousand-jewel knot, as the freshness of the bamboo shoots, ham and meat are already fully paid for.

Qingcheng Xie looked at the bowl of noodles made with the thick soup of pickled duck, as if Yu He had exhausted all his eagerness, love, and kindness, and then eagerly held it in front of him. He knew something in his heart had crumbled and collapsed.

" Yu He ."

The teenager lifted his almond eyes, "Hmm?"

"......"

Qingcheng Xie found himself wanting to apologize for his earlier viciousness toward him.

He was so angry at him for no reason, and a few hours later, he gave him back a warm pot of soup ......

Qingcheng Xie's heart was not a good feeling, he really wanted to reach out and give this lonely magic dragon a hug.

Just like in the dream, Yu He hugged him who was trapped in the old raggedy Muppet bear.

But he finally held back the slight trembling of his fingertips and did not do that.

If a bridge is eventually going to be torn down, it should not be allowed to become a path that teenagers are used to walking on.

Qingcheng Xie was finally sensible and restrained enough to avert his gaze.

"You can have some together, too."

"I'll just eat meat, I like meat."

"......" Who doesn't know that the meat of the pickle has long been boiled with the essence of the soup, what taste is not left?

But Yu He, a picky eater more than anything else, really went and scooped up some meat bones and sat across from Qingcheng Xie and gnawed on them.

Dog-like.

Qingcheng Xie thought for a long time, finally made up his mind and said, "...... Yu He . Come to my place at the weekend, I will make you what you want to eat. Then ......"

Before he could finish the next sentence, Yu He's joy and frustration both spilled out in a flash: "Weekend? ...... I'm going to the sports meet this weekend, and the school signed me up for it."

Qingcheng Xie thought about it, "Then let's have a good race. Let's talk about it next time."

"So you'll come watch me play?"

"......"

"Will it?"

"I have class on the weekend morning, I'll try."

Qingcheng Xie said, seemingly feeling that the teenager's gaze was too hot, so he lowered his eyes and ate the noodles.

The teenager rejoiced.

And at that moment, Qingcheng Xie actually felt so much pain in his heart ......

He finally realized he cared about Yu He that much, but what could he do about it?

His longevity is shallow, if he can't let go of the warmth Yu He gave him, if they keep going on like this, then in the end he left the world, although he enjoyed all the love of the teenager, but only left the teenager a long sadness, that is too selfish and irresponsible.

Long pain is better than short pain, delayed for so long, it turned out to be because he has him in his heart, there is difficult to pull out ......

However, it is time to completely cut off your heart and soul -

It's time for him to put down the kid who wants to hug the bear puppet doll.